5 Reasons I Tell People I’m Pregnant The Moment I Find Out
Last month I experienced my third miscarriage within 18 months. Each loss is difficult both physically and emotionally. My hubby and I have been super blessed with five beautiful, healthy children, and we are eternally grateful for them:
However, we were open and excited about any others the Lord wanted to graciously give us to raise, love, and nurture for His glory.
Now, before I head any further, I want to reassure you that I know the matter of sharing about pregnancy early on is a very controversial issue. Not only that, but I appreciate that it’s also a personal issue. Still, I would like to bring it up, because I believe there may be a viewpoint that many haven’t considered.
Whenever I have discovered that I’m expecting a baby, I have always spent the following several hours spreading the wonderful news far and wide! I have personally called those close to me, and sent emails, texts, and messages to those I care about. After all, each conception is such a miracle, and I figured that sharing about what God has done would be the most natural and wonderful thing to do.
However, I’ve also been well aware that this is completely counter-cultural, and there have been times where I have been gently rebuked for not waiting till the end of my first trimester to make my pregnancy public.
So, with my most recent pregnancy, that’s what I decided to do. I decided to go against my own conscience and instinct, and withhold the information from those with whom I came into contact. And do you know what happened? I just couldn’t do it!
Firstly, when people would ask me how I’m doing, or what’s new in my life, by concealing the fact that I was expecting, I felt like I was actually lying to them. I was sharing some bits and pieces of my life, but the one thing that was at the very forefront of my mind, that was worthy of shouting from the rooftops, that was taking up most of my thoughts and emotions was being left out.
In my mind, I was being dishonest with them, and I could not bring myself to do that.
Secondly, when I analyzed why I was withholding my pregnancy from people, I quickly realized that one of the reasons was superstition. This message comes through loud and clear in society. It’s almost as though if a woman waits until week 12 or 13 until she shares that she’s expecting, chances are less for something to go wrong.
This goes 100% against the Bible’s narrative to trust God (Proverbs 3:5). His sovereignty rules over all (1 Timothy 6:15), and His will, will be done (Matthew 6:10), whether you tell others you’re pregnant at an early stage, or not.
So, here are the 5 Reasons I Tell People I’m Pregnant The Moment I Find Out:
Share In Our Joy
Babies are fearfully and wonderfully made by our great God. He is the Creator of all life, and every new life points to His greatness, glory, and grace. In addition, children are a gift from our Lord:
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Psalm 127:3
My heart in declaring to others that I am pregnant from the get go, is that others would be able to glorify the Lord with me! I want them to rejoice in God’s goodness and in his supernatural, wondrous power to perform the miracle of new life.
The reactions that I receive from those I love and who love me, whether it be tears of joy, elated excitement, or an outburst of praise to our God, exalt our King’s name and greatness mightily. Why would I want to withhold or delay sharing news that would result in my Heavenly Father being glorified?
Share in Prayer
Most women go through some kind of sickness during their first few months of pregnancy. This can be anything from a queasy pit in their stomach, to being incapacitated. Spreading the word of a pregnancy can alert folks to firstly pray with and for the family as mother is under the weather (for what may seem endless weeks!).
I have been blessed not to reach debilitating morning sickness, however, there have been many times during those early months where I could not face making meals for my family, or my energy levels were low enough where I mostly abandoned my household duties till they piled up way too high.
Due to the fact that people around me knew I was pregnant, there were countless times where they brought a most welcomed meal, or came in and did my dishes, or took my children for an afternoon so that I could rest. Not only was this a huge blessing to me each time, but it was a blessing for these precious ladies to serve our family in our time of need.
There is no need to endure those first weeks alone without the loving service of the Body of our Lord swooping in to show love and practical help. Keeping others from this knowledge would certainly rob them of a beautiful opportunity to serve.
Share with Children
As anyone who has experienced telling children about a little baby on the way will tell you, it is a priceless and precious experience. Seeing their faces light up and their plans for welcoming another sibling immediately underway is just one part of the joy of new life.
If I tell others early on about my pregnancy, I have no fear of including my children in news that directly affects them so wonderfully. Our lives are an open book, and if my children do excitedly blurt out they have a new brother or sister on the way, I’m in no way phased. Truth be told, at times I’ve hoped they would blurt it out so I could have an excuse to tell the person myself :-).
Share the Experience
This may be just me, but as soon as I found out that there’s a good reason my tummy will grow, I have the instant desire to start wearing maternity clothes and milk the pregnancy attention for all it’s worth :-).
For the most part, people love talking about pregnancy. They ask detailed questions wanting to know whether you’re having a boy or a girl, when’s the due date, single or multiple? And it’s such a joy to talk about baby!
Spreading the word, wearing maternity clothes, and making the pregnancy obvious is just one way for others to jump right in and share the experience. After all, it only lasts for such a limited time.
In a world where there is so much hardship, pain, sickness, and grief, what a blessing it is to discuss this jubilant topic! Click To Tweet
Share the Hurt
As someone who has experienced multiple miscarriages, I know all too well that the joyous beginning of pregnancy can end in heartbreaking grief and sadness. I am not oblivious to the fact that expecting a baby can be fraught with fear and apprehension. I’ve been there. It’s hard.
However, should the absolute worse case scenario of losing a baby come to pass, how much more do we need the comfort, care, and prayer of others? I cannot fathom enduring the searing loss of a miscarriage on my own.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Romans 12:15
It is the privilege and heart of every true believer to walk with others through their good times and sad times. Having friends weep with you when you feel as though your world has come to an end is not only comforting, it is a biblical mandate.
Every little gesture, gift, act of service, and tear shed on behalf of the little one who was promoted to Heaven is one brick of heaviness less for the mother to bear. It honestly feels that way.
I know that the central reason for most moms not to tell others about their pregnancy early on is the fear of “What if I miscarry?” But, take it from one who has been there, there need be no shame, my friend. If it happens, you will need the Lord’s people around you, to uphold you and love you through it. And they will…
You can confidently say, as Mary the mother of our Lord Jesus said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38)
May our God, the giver of life, the Creator or all things good, grant you the courage to share the joy of His activity in your womb early on. And if you’re at the spectator stage, my He instill in you the wisdom to minister to and serve those who are experiencing this miracle.
To the only wise God be glory forevermore through Jesus Christ! Amen.
Romans 16:27
What keeps/has kept you from sharing your pregnancy early on? Do you think you would consider changing your view?
Tehila, it’s an interesting perspective. But I think I would wait three months to tell most people. Not out of superstition, but just to savor the news within my intimate circle for a while. But it’s a very personal matter, and how anyone else wishes to handle it is perfectly fine with me. #PrettyPintastic
These are important words for the body of Christ, and I know that I have fallen short in years past with friends who have experienced miscarriage.
I love this and totally agree with you! Having the prayers and support of family and friends during the early stages of pregnancy or miscarriage is an incomparable blessing.
Even though I am way past the age where I will be pregnant again, I have always agreed with you. Having a miscarriage is not something we should feel the need to keep secret. I always wanted to share the joy of expecting a new baby and the sorrow of losing something so precious. I have 3 adult sons and had one miscarriage.
I’ve not had the privilege yet to make that decision, but I’ve thought a lot about it. And I don’t think I could NOT tell everyone the miraculous news – especially after waiting so long.
I couldn’t have written the reasons better than you did here, but foremost in my mind is this: First, it’s a miracle for which God deserves the glory, and second, I both need the support of others throughout the whole process – especially if I miscarried, and third, a Christian experiencing miscarriage can be a powerful testimony to others.
I always thought I was the only one who felt this way. Thank you for putting your thoughts out there.
I fully agree and told people right away too. The only time I waited a bit was when I was pregnant with my first, I waited till I could go to my parents house and tell them face to face since it was my first. After that I told them on the phone so I was able to tell everyone else right after that anyways.
I had debilitating nausea/vomiting and there is no way I could have hid that anyways. I was lucky never to experience miscarriage but I agree with you that you would need your family and friends to be with you during that painful time.
When I had my first miscarriage, I lost twins, and I didn’t tell anyone. Some very close family were told eventually, and my husband knew of course, but that was all. I was devastated, and had a difficult time physically. I felt very alone. I had to go to a wedding of some family friends while I was still bleeding, and still desperately struggling.
After my second miscarriage, where I lost one child, I had told everyone around me that I had contact with right from the beginning. We were excited. When I reached 12 weeks I posted it on Facebook, as I didn’t feel the need to announce to some people that I had never met that I was pregnant again before then.
But the day after posting about my pregnancy I started bleeding, and I found that I had lost the baby very early on, my body just hadn’t noticed straight away.
Telling everyone was the best thing that I could have done. The second miscarriage was so much different. Physically it was still very difficult for my body, but I had support. I had private messages from people on Facebook, I had messages on my post, I had people praying for me. In real life I had the whole church praying for me, I had people coming to visit to make sure I was OK, bringing around food, giving me hugs, looking after the younger children for me.
It felt like I could grieve and everyone was grieving with me. This child was valued, it was a loss, and everyone knew it.
It was also OK to hide at home, and people understood. My emotions were struggling, my body was struggling, I needed time to hide and heal and not go out to church or events. People asked how I was, they offered help, and if I wanted to be left alone they did that too. I was very much not alone, I was surrounded by a village, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Not something I have thought about before but what you write makes perfect sense.
I wonder if you have an article (or would consider writing one) on what to say and do when someone you know suffers a miscarriage? It’s such a sensitive issue that I fear I’d say nothing rather than say the wrong thing.
Laura, I appreciate your feedback, and I will certainly take your request on board. Look out for a blog post about this subject 🙂 Hugs and love to you xoxo