Miscarriage: A Heart Healing Letter To My Unborn Baby

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On November 13, 2016 we discovered that a baby I had been carrying for 14 weeks, had already passed away 5 weeks prior. In my heartbroken state, I wrote this letter, since there was so much I wanted to say to the little one I have lost.

I share it openly with you, in the hopes that you, too, would consider doing something similar if you’ve experienced the grief of losing an unborn child. It served as a real stepping stone in my heart healing process, and I believe will in yours, too. God bless you!

The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

Miscarriage-A-Heart-Healing-Letter-To-My-Unborn-Baby

 To My Sweet Unborn Baby,

Today I found out that I was never to meet you on this Earth. You were taken straight into the presence of your Father God, and until I reach you in that beautiful place where you now dwell, and will for all eternity, I will not have the privilege of being formally introduced to you.

I’m going to miss that.

I’m going to miss hearing your cry as you would have taken your first breath of this air I live in.

I’m going to miss stroking your soft cheeks and looking intently into your face, and marvelling at the beautiful way in which God Almighty created you.

I’m going to miss celebrating your birthdays, rejoicing in your milestones, training you in righteousness, holding your little hand, making you laugh, enjoying your loving gaze into my eyes, and holding you physically close to me when you would need comfort and extra special care.

I want you to know that I would gladly and joyfully have endured anything with you. I would have delighted in working with you through your struggles, and would have diligently and proudly stood by your side through thick and thin.

You have bypassed this world, my sweet and beautiful baby. By God’s grace and wisdom and mercy, your heart beat its last, and you found yourself instantly in the indescribable, wondrous, and awesome Presence of the God whom I can only see in faith and read words about.

Yet you know Him.

You walk with Him.

You talk with Him.

You live in His Light.

You will never know sorrow, grief, cruelty, and suffering. You were loved enough by Your Heavenly Father that He spared you from this dark, cold and sin-infested world. You have been promoted to the best place without laying your senses on evil, hatred, and painful experiences God never intended anyone to live through.

My precious baby, rest assured that I will meet you one day. I don’t know when my time will come to go to where you are, but know that when I get there, I will cherish finally being able to hold you, and kiss you, and treasure you with everything that is within me.

We will make up for this lost time my darling… you have mommy’s word.

I love you so much, sweetheart. You are a gift to me, your dad and your five siblings. We will remember you and miss you so, so, so much.

We’ve decided to name you Shalom – which in Hebrew means Hello, Goodbye, and Peace; 

We said Hello to you briefly with so much joy, gratitude, excitement, and expectation when we found out you were given life… there was so much hope, promise, and blessing in the thought of you joining our family.

Yet, it was ordained that now we say, ‘Goodbye’. Not forever, but for a brief, several years which will seem as but a moment to you in Heaven… but for us, it will feel like a long, long time to have to live without you physically in our lives. You will remain in our hearts and be an inseparable part of the fabric of our family.

And Shalom is Peace – because you now dwell in the very presence of the Prince of all Peace, in neighbourhoods where Peace dwells and fills each crevice of every space and particle. And in an eternal state of Peace with the God who created you, and loves you with everlasting affection.

Peace is all you will ever know my dear, dear sweet one…

miscarriage-a-letter-to-my-unborn-baby-womenabiding-women

Yes, it’s hard for mommy to endure the hardship of saying goodbye to you, but I know and trust that God’s steadfast love to us will comfort us. As you now know better than we ever will on this Earth – His ways are just, and right, and good, and though they sometimes surpass our understanding, we know that He never ever makes mistakes. He is Holy, and we trust in His Sovereign power over all He brings along our path.

Precious, beloved Shalom… rest in His Peace… until we meet…. I will always love you, and you will have a special place in this heart of mine till the day I join you, and eternally beyond.

Farewell my Gift… farewell for now….

Your Mommy

xoxoxoxoxoxo

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62 Comments

  1. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Truly heartbreaking. But what a lovely post. You are very brave for sharing your story. You are in my prayers.
    #alittlebitofeverything

  3. It’s so heartwarming to read all these beautiful words of comfort. I so wish that those who favor taking away the life of the unborn child would read these words and understand exactly what they are doing….that – contrary to what the ‘doctors’ say – it is NOT just a mass of tissue growing – it is a life – created by the Father – and a beautiful baby-to-be! If all of them could understand exactly what they are doing, I believe the horrific act of abortion would be forever taking from our language – that no more would these women destroy the precious LIFE that is growing within them!
    Someone should publish this where prospective “mothers” would read – and understand exactly what they are doing before it’s too late. I’ve spoken to a number of women who’ve had an abortion – and they are haunted by that even years later…I pray MORE of them will understand BEFORE taking that life!

    1. Thank you so, so much for your beautiful comment, sweet friend! I honestly didn’t think of this side of it when I wrote the letter to my precious baby, but you’re right, it would hopefully be helpful for women to realise that their babies aren’t ‘products’ or blobs of tissue to be discarded, but are real little humans that have the potential to bring endless joy to their hearts and eternal glory to God! May God use my words, and your heart too, to reach those who need to hear this message… With my love to you… xoxo

  4. I am sorry to hear about your little one. I lost my third child early in pregnancy. Thank you for linking up your beautiful words with Literacy Musings Monday.

  6. I’m so sorry for your loss. Last year, a day after my birthday, I found out my little one stopped growing at right around 8 weeks and I was supposed to be 12 weeks along.
    I was so devastated, because I felt like I literally just saw her heart beating strong and then this.
    We had planned for this pregnancy for so long and believed to have “waited for our turn.” I guess, there were other plans for us.
    Earlier this year, I started a blog as a way of creating an outlet for myself and one of my first writings included a post about miscarriage. It has helped me so much with the grieving process.

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I think you sharing your experience will help a great deal of women going through this grieving process, particularly during the holidays.

    1. Dearest darling Alisha, I am SO sorry to hear of this painful experience in your lives 🙁 Especially since you had been waiting for so long… The Lord knows your heart and your hurt, and I pray that He will not only heal you but also grant you hope in Him (and another baby in His perfect timing)… God bless you sweet friend… I’m with you in this! xoxo

  7. Oh, Tehila, my friend … I am so sorry for this deep sorrow. My heart is aching for you. Please know I am praying for your heart and the hearts of all your family members to heal. Thank you for your bravery in sharing your pain. Through it, God is giving hope. I am so thankful for you.
    Hugs,
    Lori

  8. Tehila – what a beautiful letter and reminder that what we experience here is not the end. That your sweet baby is forever in the presence and arms of God. My daughter had a miscarriage in May. I know this letter would bring her comfort.

    1. I’m truly sorry to hear about your daughter’s miscarriage, Cathy… May God bless and comfort your family. Our hope is in the Lord and in the fact that we will one day hold our babies (and for all eternity, at that!). Such a treasure to look forward to… Loved having you visit me at Women Abiding! xoxo

  9. Dear Tehila, Can I add my voice in here with many others who found your letter so touching and endearing. I lost my first child as well, early in the pregnancy. 40 plus some years ago, miscarriages were not given much thought, but I felt the loss. Everyone’s response was the same even my doctors, you are young, you are healthy, get over it! How insensitive people were. Thank you for putting into words what my heart has been saying for years. Dearest little one, we will meet again and together in the Love of the Father I will get to hug and know you! God Bless, may you be strengthened by Him who made us all. God Bless and Thank you!

    1. Precious Olivia! How my heart ached upon hearing of your loss all those years ago and how your emotions weren’t taken into account. You’re not the first who has told me that years ago miscarriage was not considered worthy of grief. How sad 🙁 Yes, you will meet your beloved little one who has been faithfully awaiting meeting his/her mamma. What a joyous occasion it’ll be when we can throw our arms around those beautiful children whom we never got to meet on Earth, but whom we will love for all eternity! What a hope to hold on to! Thank you so much for sharing your heart and experience and for your kind words of comfort and love towards me xoxoxo

  12. Tehila thank you for sharing this beautiful letter. I lost my baby last year and it was a very late loss. He was a couple months away from his due date and I appreciate you speaking out healing words to other baby loss mamas. I especially liked your promise “We will make up for this lost time my darling… you have mommy’s word.” I also made a similar promise to my baby and I know we will meet again one day soon. We will get to mother our babies in a different world where death is no more. loved your letter.

    p.s. I host a free printable baby loss journal on my blog in case your interested for yourself of someone you know.

    1. I’m so so sorry you’ve gone through such a painful loss, Lizette. Wow… even though you didn’t have a choice in the matter, in my eyes you are one very brave lady! May God continue to complete the holy work of healing in your heart. I share with you the great excitement of seeing our babies in a place where indeed every tear will be wiped away from our eyes, and only joy will remain as we hold our little ones! I will definitely check that printable out.. thank you! Hugs and love to you, sweet friend xoxo

  14. Hi Tehila,
    This was beautiful. Huffington Post should publish it. A great support for all who lost a wanted pregnancy.
    Thanks for bringing your post to the Blogger’s Pit Stop Linky Party,
    Janice, Pit Stop Crew

  15. I am so sorry! I have never experience this, but can imagine the pain that you are going through. God bless you! The letter is beautiful!! Thanks for sharing with SYC.
    hugs,
    Jann

  16. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post, we had a miscarriage with our first and people had already started buy clothes and stuff for the child, we placed some booties in a box and wrote letters to her. It sits on a shelf in our living room as a reminder of what was to be. We now have three other Kids and they will know that they have a little sister in heaven already waiting for all of us….

    Our prayers are with you…

    1. So much appreciate your thoughtful comment, Matthew! I love the way you have chosen to commemorate your little girl who is now with the Lord. I, too, believe it’s something that the other children should know about and acknowledge. With much appreciation and blessing to you and your precious family…

  17. Tehila, I’m sorry for this loss. What a comforting blessing your letter is to so many who have experienced the same loss. You offer such hope and grounding for all that is to come when we are reunited with those we’ve all lost. Praying for God to strengthen and sustain you with His peace and comfort and promise of heaven. And praying He uses your heartfelt pouring out to minister to another in need.

    1. Crystal, I so much appreciate your mighty words of comfort and consolation! Truly! I know the Lord has a purpose in this trial, and the hope that He gives goes beyond any sadness and pain… I pray that He does indeed use this experience I’m going through to bring great Glory to His Worthy Name! You’re such a blessing to me xoxo

  18. Tahila, I’m so sorry. I’m praying God will continue to surround you with His love and comfort you. Thank you for writing this beautiful letter. It is tender, touch, and I know will be a blessing to many. God bless you!

  19. Tehila, my heart goes out to you as I experienced this same loss years ago. It is beautiful that you have written a letter and are using your pain and words as a way to bring encouragement and comfort to others. May our God surround and envelop you and bring healing to your hurting heart. Blessings to you and your husband today.

  20. Thank you so much for sharing your heartbreak with us. I feel your love for the baby, and your trust in God.
    Mothers need to know God comforts us in our grief, and He loves us all,,, perfectly.
    How wonderful it will be to see Shalom myself, when I get to heaven!

    Bloggers Pit Stop

  21. This post is beautiful. Thank you. Ithey has encouraged my heart to help me to heal from the loss of our little girl. When we went on for the 13/almost 14 week scan, we looked on the screen and saw a big black hole where the baby should have been. It was a complete shock to us. We waited in the waiting room for over an hour, until the Dr. could tell us that I’d had a blighted ovum. Basically she explained thereally was something wrong with the genes at conception and a baby had never formed. I had a problem with that expla nation, because when I found out I was pregnant God told me to me to name her after St. Elizabeth of Russia. So I did some research and found out that there had indeed been a baby, only she had died while still small enough not to be detected on a standard ultrasound. My body still thought I was pregnant, so I had had what is called a missed abortion. I also knew prior to this that according to standard medical terminology, you are not pregnant and the baby is not a baby until the zygote (I think is the term) is implanted into the uterus wall. Then he is called an embryo. You cannot understand how mad I was to know that this professional Doctor was denying that my child had ever existed. I don’t know if she was trying to make it easier on me to swallow, or if she was plain ignorant. But the utter disregard for the life of the unborn by the scientific establishment is beyond despicable.
    I am grateful to God for the life I had the privilege to help bring into His house. Eliana Elizabeth is my Samuel. Her life is devoted to God. She wears the martyr’s crown because she was a casualty of war and gave her life for her father’s salvation. Her death was instrumental in bringing my husband to his knees before God. May He be praised.
    Exactly one year later, God blessed us with another pregnancy, also a girl, who is now a capricious one year old. I now know why God named her, and I named the rest of my children, because she belonged to him, quite literally. I look foreward to being rejoined with her in the last day.
    Many blessings, and as Rachel prayed, may God add to your family.

  22. Tehila, I’m sorry for your loss. Your letter is beautiful. I never even thought of naming the ones I lost through miscarriage. I love that you did that and such a beautiful name, too. May God grant you peace and comfort. Many blessings to you! I’m your neighbor at #ThreeWordWednesday.

  23. What a tender, sweet and moving letter you’ve shared with us, Tehila! It’s moving me to tears and I’m not a crier! My goodness, what an amazing peek inside your bleeding, wounded mama’s heart. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, but I love the hope you have in the Lord and in that one day meeting with your sweet Shalom. It is so comforting to know that we have a God who gives us hope and an eternity with Him. Hugs to you, my sweet friend! Praying you continually feel God’s comfort, even and especially as the stages of grief unfold in your and your husband’s path.

    1. Dearest Gleniece, I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this heartache, too. I wish I could save everyone this pain! Thank you for your beautiful wishes, and may God complete every work of healing in your life, my sweet… hugs and love xoxo

  25. This is a beautiful way to remember and honor your child. I had two miscarriages years ago and I wish I had left the legacy of a letter. It is such a beautiful part of the healing process.

    I am praying for you as you grieve and heal. Blessings!

    1. Precious Mary… thank you for sharing about your experiences… losing a baby at any stage stays with you a lifetime, doesn’t it? Appreciate your love, prayers and input here… Hugs and blessings xoxo

  26. I read your loving letter with much understanding. I have been so Blessed with four loving children – now all adults with families of their own. And all of whom remain close and loving with me. But not all went well in my earlier, child-bearing years. You see, though I was Blessed with these four, I was actually pregnant ten times. So I had six unborn babies who went to live immediately with the Lord and whom I never met in this lifetime.

    So I truly understand the loss you have felt. My husband at the time did not seem to understand my grief and sense of loss when these precious little ones were lost while still in the womb. To him, it seemed like “no big deal!” and he chided me for my own sense of loss. I felt sorry for him, since he was not able to understand that I had been carrying a precious little life – a real, live Creature of God who had been living so briefly within my body!

    I pray that your Faith will sustain you through this period of grief. He has guided and sustained me through so many trials in this life. And He IS my strength – my Rock.

    God be with you and your beautiful family.

    1. You are so *blessed* Carol! Having four children and many grandchildren around, who love you! Ours are all still home, but I can just imagine what a richness having their families around us would bring to life!

      But! I hear your pain and heartache regarding the many, many babies who are one and all awaiting you in Heaven! It is such a joy to look forward to, yet the emptiness and loss that we feel here on Earth can be paralysing…

      I can understand how you and your husband view miscarriage differently. I really believe that for the most part the mom does bond with the unborn baby in a far deeper way than the husband does. There are probably exceptions to this, but I can tell because my husband who is a very loving and hands-on father, doesn’t bond with the baby until he sees her! He loves her, prays for her, and supports me in my pregnancy, but our men are practical and I guess they need to see to believe! I’m sorry you experienced strife in this area 🙁

      I love you faith, Carol! You are an inspiration and I pray He continues to guide you on His narrow path always… Hugs and love and grace to you oxoxoxo

  27. Tehila,

    I am sorry for your loss of your beautiful baby girl. My heart is with you and my prayers. I had three miscarriages in my life and I am so blessed by your courage and honesty and transparency. You are making me feel better. You are a precious jewel to us and God. I love your letter. It is very healing to my soul and my heart. God bless you my sweet sister.
    Love,
    Monique Veal

    1. What an encouragement you’ve been to me today, lovely Monique! Thank you so much!!! This is my second miscarriage, and I pray my LAST! Three is a lot to go through, but clearly the Lord has upheld and grown you through them and you will have a bunch of precious, beautiful people waiting to meet you when your race on Earth has been run! Such hope! Love and hugs you faithful and lovely friend! xoxoxo

  28. Shalom. Such a beautiful way to honor your baby and our Abba Father. I’ve been and will continue to lift you and your family up before the Throne with petitions of Comfort, Peace, Deliverance, and Healing. You are Loved!

  29. Tehila, I’m so sorry for your loss and am praying for you and your family. May you feel God’s loving arms around you and feel Him close. In the good times and in the bad times, thank you for sharing your heart.

  30. I am sorry for your loss. This brings back memories of when we went through the same thing in January, 2014. Unfortunately, we found out at the scan. After a few days, I underwent surgery, as there were no signs of the baby and the content of the womb would eliminate naturally.
    After that, God began the healing process. I didn’t write a letter, but we chose a name (both a male, and a female, as we didn’t know the gender, it happened really early on). I surrendered it’s spirit into the Lord’s hands. I also talked to counselors. A very helpful thing I found out during the counseling and ministry I received, was that Jesus can remove the shock and trauma from my ears ( because of receiving the news was not pleasant), from over my eyes ( as I had seen for myself the images on the scan). After that, He is able to heal my memories and my emotions. Several months later, on April, 26, that same year, we were pregnant again. The Lord is good, He gave us a beautiful girl. We named her Emma, as a constant reminder that the Lord is with us.
    May He bring healing to your heart, the heart of your husband and all of the children. Your letter is so beautiful and I’m hoping that all the people who read it understand that they don’t have to get stuck in that moment, life moves on and the Lord brings healing, if we ask for it. We will see them again.
    God bless you!

    1. Oh Ioneila! Finding out *at* the scan! How hard! So so so sorry you had to go through that… thank you for the helpful steps of healing that you shared… I’ll be reading over those, and perhaps the Lord will guide us to adopt some of the methods you used…

      Most of all, the encouragement of the Lord granting you another healthy baby was beyond touching and exciting for me to read about! By the grace of God, if He wills it, we would like to try again for another baby… I will have to really trust Him as I’m sure there will be fears of the same thing happening again – but what a day of rejoicing it’ll be to be granted another human life into our family!!!! Please, Lord, please!

      Your words were invaluable to me today… Thank you for writing them!!!
      Big hugs
      Tehila
      xoxo

  31. “If a man begets a hundred children and lives many years, so that the days of his years are many, but his soul is not satisfied with goodness, or indeed he has no burial, I say that a stillborn child is better than he— for it comes in vanity and departs in darkness, and its name is covered with darkness.” (Ecclesiastes 6:3-4)

    I will pay my vows to the Lord
    Now in the presence of all His people.
    Precious in the sight of the Lord
    Is the death of His saints.
    O Lord, truly I am Your servant;
    I am Your servant, the son of Your maidservant;
    You have loosed my bonds.

    (Psalm 116:14-16)

    Then I heard a voice from heaven saying to me, “Write: ‘Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.’”

    “Yes,” says the Spirit, “that they may rest from their labours, and their works follow them.”

    (Revelation 14:13-14)

  32. Tehila, I am praying for you this evening. May God wrap HIs arms around you all as a family and may your confidence in His goodness, His love for you and your little one and His control of all situations bring you peace as you grieve and comfort as you move forward. Ruth

    1. Oh thank you so much, Ruth! What a comfort and joy to read of your kind prayers on our behalf.. Honestly, humbling… Psalm 34:18 is so true…. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted… You are a blessing!!! Hugs and much affection oxoxoxox

  33. Tehila I was so sad to hear this news – may the Lord surround you all with His amazing peace as you farwell wee Shalom. It is heart breaking for you all but our Heavenly Father knows and has called this little one to himself. Will be praying for a natural delivery.
    Lots of love

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