How to Find A True Friend In An Effortless Way
Friends. Whether you’re three or sixty-three, they add blessing, joy, and richness to life. Building worthwhile friendships adds a facet to our faith walk that little else can.
I love this thought:
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival.
C.S. Lewis
We are quick to remind our children of 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.” But we often forget that this verse applies just as much to our lives as adults, as it does to them.
With the issue of genuine friendships being so important, it’s no wonder it has come up often in my conversations with people recently. So, as one who has experienced everything from friend droughts to an abundance of great friends, I would like to share a few thoughts on how to find a true friend in an effortless way with you.
How to Find A True Friend
The way I learned how to find true friends was by making two crucial mistakes along the way:
The first mistake I made was when we moved from Israel to New Zealand. Being a social woman myself, I determined to make friends as soon as I possibly could in a country where I knew practically no one. So, pretty much as soon as we set foot in our new land, I set off on my mission to spot one or two ladies whom I thought would fit the bill to be my new “true” friends.
About a month in, I found myself in the unwanted dilemma of how to withdraw myself from these friendships. I discovered that the contact with these ladies was draining, difficult, and non life-giving to my soul. And I wanted out!
Lesson number 1 learned: Don’t choose your own friends.
The second mistake I made was a few years down the line. I met a sweet lady who invited me to her home for a cuppa (New Zealand term for ‘a cup of something to drink’). I didn’t think this lady and I had too much in common, and some external impressions I had about her lifestyle didn’t particularly appeal to me. However, I kept bumping into her, and she persisted to kindly invite me over. Eventually, simply because I felt too uncomfortable by this point to decline, I went to visit her.
It was during this first get together, and in spending subsequent times in her presence, that I began to grasp the treasure that I had almost missed out on and completely overlooked. She was a woman after God’s own heart, super intelligent, honest, and challenged me in all the best ways possible.
This amazing, dear woman became to me one of the closest friends I have ever had in my life. She portrays qualities that only God could have known I sincerely needed, and has been to me a true friend in every sense of the word. A life-long and eternal friend she is.
Lesson number 2 learned: Don’t choose your own friends.
The Best of Friend Choosers
My beloved reader, this may sound obvious, and it may go against the grain as you impatiently long and look for close companions in your loneliness. But let God choose your friends for you.
Take heart. God will place those that He desires to bring into your life along your path. Don’t feel the need to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and go out, as I did at some point, to force-find your own friendships. It’s exhausting, energy-sapping, and yields little to no fruit. As you may have experienced by now…
It is way easier to get into something,
than it is to get out of it.
Pray that God will bring the friends that He chooses into your life. Ask Him to open your eyes to the people that He has already placed upon your path.
Perhaps, as in my example, there is already someone reaching out to you that you have been pushing away, but that has been hand-picked for you by the Lord to be a support and blessing in your life.
Open your eyes to see what God is doing around you, and whom He has brought into your life. Out of over 6 billion people on the earth, the few people that you know, are not there by accident. Each and every one of them has been intentionally placed near you for a reason.
A Bonus Piece of Advice
You may have made an unconscious decision that potential friends are those who have a lot in common with you. That if they’re in your age range, busying themselves with the priorities and activities with which you are involved in your own life, you can be comrades in the trenches together.
While this may definitely be the case, and God can bless you with friends who can relate to you in the here and now, I’d like you to consider another option, too. Possibly even the best people to choose as friends!
One of the greatest gifts is to have friends who are actually in different stages of life than you are. I am blessed beyond words to have friends who are 10, 20, and even 30 years older than I am. I glean so much from their wisdom, experience, and foresight.
I am also incredibly privileged to have friends who are 10 and 20 years younger than I am. I count it such a privilege to pour into their lives, and to benefit from their fresh perspective of life in every area.
I encourage you not to limit yourself only to friends who are around your age, but to be open to enjoying friends from all age spectrums. It really does bring such a broad richness to the fabric that makes up our days.
So, precious one, allow God to choose your friends for you. It may take an extra measure of faith, patience, and discernment to go this route, but it is so worth it. He knows and loves you, and is infinitely more aware of what you truly need, than you are. You can wholly trust Him to provide the gift of the right friendships and in doing so, you will in turn be the incredible blessing that someone else needs in their life, too.
