Hard Days That End Well
Dear Friend,
A few days ago, my husband and I were winding down our day, and I read a letter out loud to him that I wrote during a difficult time in my life. My hubby had tears in his eyes, and as soon as I’d finished reading, said, “Now that’s how you should blog!” He has been encouraging me ever since to be more real with you, my cherished reader. To be myself. And to write more from my heart.
Today is a day that I have been dreading for weeks. The first anniversary of my father’s death. I spent the past days reminiscing about my dad. I reread some of his letters to me. Listened to some Neil Diamond songs, which he loved. Noticed cars that he would have admired.
But none of those activities that he would have enjoyed or partaken in will bring him back. It’s over these past weeks that I have realized that what makes grieving so hard, is that you so much want to grieve with the person you are actually grieving for.
I would have loved to have had my dad beside me while “Sweet Caroline” was playing on Youtube. I would have watched the tears forming in his eyes as his favourite singer hit that final, powerful note. And told him how much I miss his sensitive heart.
I would have so much enjoyed my dad’s expressive comments had he seen the new Fiat that just came out, which I recently spotted on the road. I would have stared at him with a smile as he studied every little, new feature on the car. I would have told him that I so much miss his mannerisms and expressions. So, yes, it would make grieving easier if I could just go through it all with my dad by my side.
And then another thought has hit me. I miss my dad. But does he miss me? I wish I could receive a letter in the mail telling me where he is, and how much he misses me. A note that I could hold close to my heart, and that would comfort me when I miss him most.
The hard and ugly truth behind my romantic thoughts though, is that my father died without knowing the Saviour. The Son of God who died for sins, and rose again, was rejected by his mind and scorned by his heart. (John 1:12-13). It is possible that I will see my dad when I reach Heaven. But not probable. The cold reality is, that my father is likely enduring eternal torment at this very moment in time, and will be for all eternity. This is the stark hand that slaps me in the face each time I think of and miss my father. I don’t know whether I will ever see him again. And that hurts. It stings. And it yanks me out of the utopian dream; the exact warm and cosy zone in which I want to dwell.
This day, one year later, has come and is on its way out again. I spent the day at home. With the family that God has gifted me. I cooked. I cleaned. I emailed. I instructed my children in righteousness. The wonderful ordinary. And in the evening, I laughed. I played with my children. I chased my son around the house in jest. I tickled my eldest daughter. I mimicked my two year old as she squealed with glee.
This is where I dwell. Among the living. Not the dead. This is where God has placed me. As my joy and peace are resurrected from the ashes of mourning. I find abundant life (John 10:10). I discover the present. And I look forward to the days of my life yet ahead, unnatural as it may seem on this hard day. One day, when my time comes, I will be taken to where I belong, and will spend an eternity with God. Help me, Lord, to set my sights on you. The Living One who gives abundance in life. Thank you that you have provided a good ending to this dreaded day.
What days do you dread, and what helps you focus on God in your hardships?
Thank you for sharing your heart with such transparency.
I believe you wrote words that many of us are experiencing or one day will face. I think of my husband’s father who was such a sweet and gentle man on earth, but He did not know Christ as Savior, and unless by God’s mercy and grace meeting him in his death, my father-in-law is now suffering eternal torment. It’s something I end up just pushing way down, trying not to think about… Or my own father who is still alive, but does not know the Savior, even after many attempts to share the Gospel with him or be a witness through my own life. I cannot even comprehend knowing where His eternal home will end up being.
Your words were an encouragement redirecting our thoughts to the One who has saved us, indeed a wonderful ending to any day.
Oh Karen, thank you so very much for sharing about your own family. It truly is only by the grace of God that any of us are saved and have the privilege of spending eternity with our Lord. We are no better than the ones who aren’t… but God has shown such undeserving mercy to us… I value your comment so very very much… Thank you for writing it here at Women Abiding. You are such an incredible blessing to me! xoxo
It is not easy to open up with such a personal subject, thank you for sharing. Remember that the Lord works in mysterious ways and you never know what is of your Dad.
Take Care!!
Oh I loved your comment, Jay! Thank you for your precious encouragement, and you’re right, this is one of those secret things that belongs to the Lord! I think we’ll be very surprised when we get to Heaven of who will be there, and who won’t be there… Thank you for your kind words…
awesomely beautiful post, bless you.
You’re so sweet… Thanks so much for your lovely words, Denise!
Wow, it certainly takes a lot of strength to go through this – and even more to share. I doubt my parent’s salvation, and this is a real spur to me to make that extra effort in talking with them.
May the Lord save your parents speedily, Loren. He knows those whom are His…
I, like you, have gone through lots of grieving in my life. My mother, my father, my brother, and my first husband. My brother and husband were both young and had accidental deaths. I grieved for them. When grief is new it is difficult, but at some time we learn to be thankful for our lives and continue to live. Your husband is right, you have lots to say and can be very helpful to others.
What a personal post – and so well-expressed. I think death and loss do help us keep our perspective about life and living it well. Thank you for writing this!
Absolutely agree with you, dear Debbie! So great to have you here, and look forward to getting to know you more…xx
Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your heart with us. You’ve encouraged me in so many ways. I have so much to ponder and pray about now. May God bless you and wrap His arms of comfort and strength around you.
How sweet you are, Kelsey! You’re the one encouraging ME! Blessings to you too, my precious sister! xx
Thank you for sharing from your heart at “Tell Me a Story.”
I personally know of two who made heaven by the skin of their teeth (so to speak.) I know you are wondering and grieving for your dad. God promises to wipe away our tears for those who don’t make it in and we hoped tht they did. Then, you do not know the surprizes in store when it is revealed that many were met while in their coma and allowed a last chanch to receive Jesus. All it took was a “Yes” answer. I do hope that was the experience of your Dad.
Oh, what a hard realization that is! When Jesus said “let the dead bury their dead” it sounded pretty harsh, but we do have to live among the living, as you say. Praying for you right now. Keep doing good, and don’t grow weary. 🙂
Thank you so much, Cindy! What an encouragement you have been to me! Love your blog! God bless you xx
So glad I linked up with you via SDG. My mother passed away 10 months ago this Thursday. To be honest, I am dreading the first anniversary of her passing, which has been heavy on my heart lately b/c I know it is coming… and then I clicked over and read your words. Thank you. God always knows the encouragement we need. You have encouraged me that it is ok to remember, but that I here among the living and not the dead. Beautiful post and I am thankful for your obedience in writing it. God bless and comfort you.
I think sharing authentically is the way to go. I learned that not everything has to be wrapped up in a nice little conclusion all the time, either, because such is life, yes? I learned a lot about myself writing about my own grief when I lost my grandmother. I love your line: “you want to grieve with the person you are actually grieving for.” I never thought about it this way, but yes, I think it’s true.
So glad you wrote this. Praying for you as you live and grieve.
Thanks for making me smile. My dad also loves Neil Diamond. I can remember buying that for His iPod (his first one that is) and downloading and playing it. Now that I am married, I cannot forget how my daddy does things for me still.
Thanks for also reminding me that I am among the living not the dead, in my walk with God and that I shine like a bright light to others who see me, whether they want to or not. I also shine through my blog no matter what. Thanks and blessings to you!
First of all, I’m so sorry you lost your dad and I can only imagine how that anniversary date brings back the sadness. Only the Lord knows for sure if you will see him again and it sounds as though His grace is getting you to the place where you are accepting it. God bless you.
Debby
I vote for the real and raw. I am so sorry about your dad. My father has not come to know the Lord yet. It pains me to think of the day he may slip away, not yet knowing Him. I continue to pray His heart will be open. Asking the Holy Spirit to comfort you as only He can.
Wow, I am crying right now thinking of your pain and your lovely words. I believe the most beautiful thing we can share is our grief and how we deal with it during the mess. You have shown God’s grace and love in oyur life and even though you mourn you Dad you are still present here for your family, your readers, and yourself. I hope you will write more in this series, for we are all hurting from something and trying to move on a live how God would have us.
Blessinsgs,
Sarah
It is always such a blessing and encouragement to read your heartfelt posts, Tehila. Thank you for always sharing what is on your heart and helping others along this journey called life.
Thank you for linking up to Best Of The Weekend as well. I have pinned this!
xoxo
I lost my mom a few years ago and it is tough losing a parent especially when they are fairly young.
I am glad that you shared a heartfelt story with your husband, sometimes those letters can be so freeing and allow you to heal. I think that blogging with your heart shows your passion and love for Christ. We all know that life isn’t full of easy days and God knows this. It’s how we respond to those days and the people in our lives that are important.
Just found your blog thru the Let’s Get Social Sunday linkup. First, let me say thanks for linking up 🙂
Second, I just wanted to say that this post really touched me. And that I am so sorry for your loss and for your heartache. But you are right – that you are among the living – so live girl and live well!
~Peace,
LuAnne @ Winterpast Moments
We’ve just lost someone close to us in our family, the sadness is hard, but you’re right, enjoying life is such a must. I loved reading your heartfelt post, I thought it rocked, and kudos too, to your husband for encouraging you to put it all out there. I’m sure you’ve touched everyone’s heart who’s read it.
I’m visiting today from Super Sunday Sync. Thank you for linking this post!
I cannot imagine how difficult this loss has been for you on several levels. As I read it, this is what came to mind….I do not know how our God does it but this day will come….”He will wipe every tear fromt heir eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain…” (Rev. 21:4). That day will come. I was your neighbor at Sunday Stillness.
Blessings,
Joanne
Ah, girlie. such words of wonder. Yesterday, my dear sweet daddy was told that he had metastatic cancer that was inoperable and incurable. What harsh words for the unbeliever. However! MY Daddy is a true Believer! Washed in the Blood of the Lamb that is bigger and more therapeutic than any other substance known to man and so freely given to ALL who will receive. And that has made hearing those harsh words so much more tolerable. Knowing that his days are numbered (but then again, aren’t all of our days like that?) makes me cherish the moments that we are going to have together. Knowing that our paths will reunite when we meet our Maker make those thoughts/memories are so much more sweeter and cherished.
Thank you for bearing your heart on such a painful thought process for you. However, your words were meant to impress upon me that we do have such a wonderful reunion with loved ones who do know our Lord and have gone on before us.
Wow. SO glad I clicked on your CMB link. Your husband is right, you know. And it’s the very precious thing we owe to our readers who either are or will be struggling in these ways…to give them the REASON for our hope no matter what. In the hands of our Redeemer, NOTHING is wasted. I’ve written similarly for the same reason… I’d like to share that with you it’s called, Stumbling blocks and Altars. Blessings!
http://dancingonthedash.com/stumbling-blocks-and-altars/
Happy Friday! My Friday Flash Blog linky party is live @ The Jenny Evolution – a flash mob of blogs where you share your favorite posts of the week. Hope you there — you may just get highlighted next week!
Jennifer
thejennyevolution.com
I am so sorry. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I was truly blessed.
So glad, sweet Whitney! You’re a darling for stopping by 🙂 Hope to see you around here again… xx
When I’m having a rough day, it helps me to look back and see God’s work in my life. It reminds me that good day or bad day, God is still at work. And He never leaves me.
(Visiting from Thought Provoking Thursday.)
Blessings,
Laura
What words of wisdom, Laura! Thankfully God is not dependent on our moods, circumstances, or whims. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever! Amen! Really appreciate hearing from you… xx
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my father this past November, so my sisters & I have yet to face a day like this. I hope we can reflect, remember and be happy among the living as you have.
I’m sorry for YOUR loss, Joy. I can so relate to you. The first anniversary doesn’t have to be as harrowing as it was for me. Each relationship and situation is different. Whatever your day looks like, I know that God’s grace and peace will envelop you. He is the greatest comfort of all. God bless you, precious one… xx
Hi, Linking with Thankful Thursdays today. What a beautiful way to share your heart and thoughts of your Dad. It is so hard to let them go, isn’t it. My Mom has been gone for 4 1/2 years and it still feels like yesterday. She died with a lot of forgiveness in her heart; I worry about her fate as well. I pray for your comfort and days of joy. Kim
Thank you for sharing, Kim. I’m sure it’s a great comfort to you knowing that your mother passed away having forgiven. The fate of our loved ones are ultimately in God’s hands. It’s a process to come to terms with and to trust Him and His wisdom, but the more we do, the greater our peace, and ability to move on with our lives. God bless you, lovely Kim! xx
I totally understand what you are saying. However, I am going to take a different viewpoint. God has told us to not fear, to trust in Him. For that I know that whatever He is doing is it right and good. You may think you won’t see your Dad again but fearing that, worrying about that brings nothing to your growth in Jesus. Trust that He will make it all right. My children do not confess to know Jesus but God has a plan for them. I do not worry about this – instead I continue to love, show Jesus in all I do. God blesses the faithful.
Many blessings,
Janis
How many of us have loved ones who don’t know Jesus and could die at any moment without him? I know I have quite a few and I usually spend my days trying not to think about it. Why do I do that? Every so often I need a wake up call, a reminder to take some time out of my day to pray and encourage someone to Christ. I had an opportunity to share my faith recently and I didn’t take it. When I think about it, I find myself more concerned with how my lack of evangelism reflects on me, rather than the overwhelmingly hard truth that that person may now be in eternal torment from my neglect. I pray continually that it is not the case, and now I pray that I would be less concerned with how my lack of evangelism reflects on me and more concerned for the lost. Thank you for this slap in the face. I needed it!
God bless!
Beloved Anna, I am sure that if we knew the reality of what goes on with those who did not accept the Saviour of Souls, we would be driven quite mad! I truly appreciate you sharing your heart. I too feel guilty when I’ve missed an opportunity to share the Gospel and didn’t take it for whatever reason. But it is during those times that I remind myself of how great and sovereign our God is, the Creator of the Universe. If it is His will for someone to be saved, He is quite capable of making that happen. If I missed my call that day to present the Truth, He will certainly bring along someone else, or another circumstance, in which His Word will be presented to that person. Basically, God doesn’t need us in that sense. He is self-sufficient, and all-powerful. I think we give ourselves too much credit sometimes, that if we didn’t share with a certain person, they will be lost forever. But the Lord will have His way. This in no way means that we shouldn’t take every opportunity to share our faith, but it means that if we haven’t taken the opportunity, God will still present the Truth to that person in another way (even though we’ve lost the blessing of being part of their testimony)… Hope that makes sense… God bless you, precious Anna! xx
Wow – I had tears in my eyes on reading your blog today. I lost my dad just over a year ago and am so happy that he put Our Lord above all else, and taught us to do the same. He also said to always have hope and that Our God is a forgiving and loving God. I’m sure you’ve said many prayers for your dad over a long time, and I’m also sure that your prayers were not in vain. We don’t know exactly how it all “works” up there after we leave our earthly bodies but I do know that God hears our prayers and they are put to good use not only for ourselves but for others too. I wouldn’t say “possibly” for your dad, I would say “probably” he is in Heaven, or at least on his way there, thanks to your good prayers. God Bless you and yours.
Oh yes, we live among the living! Let’s make each minute count…
Amen Barbara! Thanks for your encouragement and exhortation! xox
Great post. Thanks for sharing with us at our Thursdays Favorite Things Blog Hop.
Angel @ sewcraftyangel.blogspot.com
Thanks Angel! Blessings to you…
What a heartfelt, beautiful, sad post. Thank you for sharing your heart and for the reminder to keep my sights set on the Lord.
How sweet of you to be so kind with your words, Deanna! God bless you, my sister xoxo
It’s refreshing to read something that is real when so many of us feel the ‘need’ to portray the sanctified versions of ourselves. Thank you for sharing. I find anniversary’s hard too. Like you say – a reunion is possible…. let us cling to hope, being faithful even in times of affliction and grief. May the Lord bless and keep you, may He make His face to shine upon you 🙂 x
How lovely of you to say, Laura! You’ve greatly encouraged me today, my friend, as you so often do! Love you heaps! xxx
Thank you. Your words captured the heart of grieving a loved one – you wish they could be there to grieve with you. When I read what really made this loss hard, I stopped cold. My father is not a believer. He has rejected God again and again. While he is still living and there is still hope, it is more probable that we will not meet in Heaven. Thank you for putting into such eleoquent words what I struggle to explain. And thank you for that precious last thought. May the King of Kings continue to bless you with good endings to the hard days ahead.
I so much value you sharing where you’re at, my friend. As long as there is breath, there is hope, dear one! Keep praying, praying, praying. And as God leads you, take the opportunities that you have to bring God’s Truth into your father’s life. Believe me, your dad sees your life, how God works in your family, and that in itself is a wonderful testimony to him. With my love to you… xx
Thank you for sharing this, I really needed this today. Beautiful encouragement!
You are so welcome, Ashley. Appreciate YOUR encouragement! xx
there are several days that i dread…but the one that hurts the most is the day my sister died and then her birthday…she was 18 had just moved to the same college i did and she decided to go back and see a dreaded boyfriend we ALL hated…she was killed on the road heading home because she fell asleep at the wheel…that was 20 years ago THIS September and it still kills me…she died over Labor day weekend and her birthday is usually a day or two after that holiday…she didn’t get to see me marry my hubby…never get to play/babysit her nieces…just too many things were cut short in her life because of a choice SHE made…I DO hope/pray that she is up in heaven waiting for me…I really don’t have any cause to believe otherwise..she believed in God. I DO miss her and most days i can move on and deal with the loss because normal everyday life intrudes BUT around the beginning of September every year i struggle with my emotions and have a hard time keeping in the present with my kids and hubby…I just hope one day i too will be able to see her again and talk/laugh/hug.
I am currently doing a personal bible study to focus more on God…I teach 4-5th graders and i never feel i know enough about the Bible to answer their questions…so I take the time in the am to sit and do a little reading..pray for my family, myself and others….I keep sticky notes in my purse, bathroom mirror in my closet to CONSTANTLY remind me of Gods Love and what i can/should do to earn it…I DO believe God hears my hardships BUT i also believe he wants me to learn…sometimes i also DO believe he takes action…
I am sorry you lost your father….I do believe God gives mercy all the time..I want to believe your father is in heaven because he repented in the Lord’s presence. And hopefully one day you will be reunited
Kelly, I really enjoyed reading through your comment, and truly appreciate the time you took to write it. I completely understand regarding your sister too, because as you can read here: https://www.womenabiding.com/my-story-and-tools-to-help-you-overcome-grief/ I lost my mom and sister (24 years old) in a car accident a few years ago. Follow the link from this post, since I wrote this 4 part series recently on grief, and how God helped me to deal with that tragedy in my life. I think it can really help you too. May God continue to heal and restore you, dear Kelly. You are a treasure! xx
beautifully said!
How kind! Thank you, Angela! xx
This was such a beautiful post straight from your heart, and your husband is right. I am your reader and love it. This is heartfelt tribute to your father. I felt so sad reading that he is not saved and that it is improbable that he will be in heaven. You should make this into a track. Have you ever thought about that?
Thank you for sharing this intimate part of your life, my sweet friend.
I love your feedback, Judith, and trust it, too! Thank you for that!! Never thought of writing a tract in my life 🙂 But you’ve planted a seed… You are MY sweet friend!!! xoxo
Mom Mom also died a year ago in December. I remember the weeks leading up to it were horrendous. I got refllux that you would not believe. I have never ever felt anything so awful. It lasted about 1 month after. The sadness and anxiety was brought out in the reflux. I understand how you feel in that way. However, what you said about your father – suffering in torment for enternity – to me – is scary. This I don’t understand. Why would our kind and loving Father in Heaven doom us to a life of torment for not accepting the gospel? Would you doom your children to a life of torment for diobeying you? I wouldn’t. Our Heavenly Father loves us the same, and more (if you can even imagine that) than we love our children.
No no no. Sorry, but it’s not possible. There must be a learning and growing process that occurs for all of us after death. He’s not the type to be like – 1 or done. He gives many many chances – just as I give my children many many chances. My children don’t get things the first time, second time , third time – and sometimes 10th time after I tell them something. Adults are no difffernt. Sometimes, you just don’t want to listen or hear.
I bet he’s listening and he’s hearing.
Why would our Father in Heaven want you to be seperated from the one you have loved your whole life? He put you two together for a reason. There is a reason for everything. He’s not going to seperate you. No way. Not a chance.
It’s a message of hope. Jesus Christ is all about hope. His stories are all about hope.
So true, we live among the living and not the dead. I came from a family that was quite obsessive about the dear departed, and after I became a Christian some words that were very important to me were “Follow me, and let the dead bury their dead.” Often it is the spiritually dead who wallow in the past and with memories of their dear ones, and the spiritually alive who give those things their place and then get on with following Jesus for now and eternity.
Thank you, Tehila, for being so open about your thoughts and your day. I can see it all so vividly! Lots of hugs
I absolutely LOVED your reminder of this verse, Tani, my dear and precious friend! Your thoughts are totally profound… wow! xoxo