Dear Friend,
I know there is a good chance that if you are reading these words, you have gone through the grief and bereavement of miscarriage. You may even be in the midst of one now, or want a glimpse of how to glorify God and deal with this ordeal, should you be among those to have to endure it in the future.
I wanted to share with you, beloved, that it finally happened to me. This past week I was the victim of a miscarriage. Until now, miscarriage was something that happened to “other” women. I had snuck by with four healthy pregnancies which produced beautiful children. I was exempt. Or so I thought.
Looking back over the past days, I am in awe of how gracious God has been to me in so many ways. I am well aware that my experience could have been a lot more traumatic, the timing a lot more inconvenient, and the luxury of recovery nonexistent. I am counting my blessings, and they are not few!
God has never, nor will ever give you more than you can handle, precious one. I have seen this clearly over the past week of my life.
Acknowledge that God is sovereign, all-knowing. A sparrow does not fall to the ground without His consent (Matthew 10:29-30), a hair does not leave your head without his noting. He knows. And you can fully trust, beautiful sister, that for some reason which you may never understand, He has lovingly allowed this occurrence. He is Good. Trustworthy. Wise. Love.
Be thankful. Meditate on the excellence of His blessings in your life. Those that are too many to count. The ones that you see. And those that you don’t. The ones that you take for granted. The children that He has already gifted you. Those walking miracles. Let your heart overflow with thanksgiving for it all.
Compassion. You, and now I, can lend a heart of the greatest compassion for others who have and are experiencing the hardship and heartache of miscarriage. It is you who can comfort from a walk of knowing. And can point the suffering to the God of all Comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
Depend on God’s love through others. Receive the meals that you aren’t able to prepare. Accept the phone calls of loved ones concerned. Soak in the prayers of the saints on your behalf. Savour God’s love pouring in through others. Lean on it. And breathe.
Ease back into life. An easy search on the internet will prove that recovery after a miscarriage takes at least two weeks. Allow yourself that extra time of rest, doing as little as possible until your strength returns. My friend, Lisa, from Club31 Women gave me this excellent advice, and taking it saved me potential emotional and physical complications.
Forge ahead. It may take time. It will take time. Your baby will not be forgotten if your life continues. She will forever be embedded in your heart, and in God’s Heaven. You and I need to continue running the race towards the prize that God has called us heavenward (Philippians 3:13-14) and she will be there, waiting for you, at the finish line. Go on living, fixing your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of your faith.
Grow in the Lord. There are lessons here to be learned. Lessons of faith and trust that God intended for you to learn through your grief and mourning. I urge you. Don’t pass these by. Take time to think. Meditate. Ponder. Pray. Tune in to what He is doing in your heart, and the new truths that it is His will for you to walk in. Grow.
Hope. There is hope. You may not feel it. You may have lost it. Your hope is not in your own ability to “get over this,” or that you will forget and “move on.” Your hope, my sweet friend, is in the Lord Himself (Psalm 42:11), in His promises to you in His Word, and in the joy that if you know Him and His forgiveness of sins, have embraced Him and surrendered to His salvation plan, you will see your baby again.
Include others. It is so easy to shut others out of your pain. Not to receive the love and consolation, but rather to withdraw into a shell of seclusion where you are left to pity and nurture your heartache. One of the kindest actions you can do for yourself is to include others into your sphere of loss. Make the effort to go out of “island” mode and allow yourself to be rescued.
Joy. The joy of the Lord is your strength. All that you know of God. Every moment that you have already experienced in Him. Let those bring you joy at this time. He has never let you down before. Never disappointed. He has been ever-faithful every step of the way. And He has not changed. Has not left or forsaken (Hebrews 13:5). Even in the midst of this. You can rejoice.
My heart is with you. I am now one of the multitudes. I am weak at this very time of writing. Both physically and emotionally. But I know that my King reigns, and it is only by His grace, that you and I can see Him through the pain of miscarriage.
P.S. The Lord has seen fit to allow us to have another little baby be taken directly into His loving arms this week (November 2016). I wrote our sweet unborn babe a letter, that I thought you may like to read, and consider doing it too as an exercise of healing for your broken heart… You may read the letter here. xoxo
Photo credit: jinterwas via photopin ccWith my love to you,
Tehila
What advice can you add to encourage someone who has been through a miscarriage?
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Thank you for this post. My husband and I have had 6 miscarriages, with no children in our home. It was a struggle to remember these thruths through the first few losses. God has been faithful and allowed me to reach out and encourage others who are hurting because of miscarriages and infertility. In all things, God has a plan and purpose.
Myra, thank you so much for sharing your story. How hard it must have been to have had all those many miscarriages, but I so greatly admire the way your attitude is to use your hardship for God's glory, and the way He is using you in the lives of other women. You are an inspiration!!! With much love and care xoxo
I don't normally comment on articles that I read but this one was so uplifting to me in my time of need now.
I am currently going through a miscarriage. I have PCOS and I thought it was a miracle that I could even conceive so my husband and I were ecstatic. We told my parents along with my paster and his wife because we knew that we would need prayer. I found out about 2 weeks into my pregnancy that my progesterone levels were low and I didn't have morning sickness which I had in abundance when I was pregnant with my son 6 years ago. I immediately thought there was a problem when I started spotting. I had an ultrasound around 8 weeks along and they only found an empty sac. They did blood tests but my HCG levels were not rising like they should. I was devastated! The Monday after my ultrasound they called me with the results of my third blood test and told me that I'm miscarrying and that I could take a pill to hurry it along but I didn't want to rush the process. I wanted it to happen naturally. Last night I tossed and turned with period-like cramps and woke up to moderate bleeding. I started praying and then I went on the computer and found this site.
I praise God for you sharing your experiences including your recent loss. I'm sorry that you have gone through it and at the same time praise God that there is someone who is willing to talk about it from experience and glorify God through it all. I'm still very upset but instead of keeping it to myself I've been honest with my husband and sisters in Christ about what's going on. I believe they have been praying alongside me as I go through this. I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. I will be praying for you.
Precious Candace, I am wondering how you are doing? You experienced the heartache of miscarriage the same week I did, and I'm thinking you're probably still not 100% "over it" as I am not. It is around this time that we would have had our babies, but yet God didn't intend for that to happen. He knew all along that He would promote our sweet little ones to glory and hold them safely for us, before we do. And that's Okay... because He is a good, kind, caring, loving, and gracious God, even though His ways may be beyond what we can understand. Just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten you, as we are on the same journey - children of our God - having walked in pain, but enjoying His ever-present, all-encompassing love and care. My love to you today xoxoxo
Thank you so much for this! God bless you for sharing! I lost my baby at 4 weeks. I was overjoyed when I found out that I was expecting. I wanted this baby so much, but the creator of my life has a purpose and I am trusting him!
Blessings to you and your family!
Precious Elizabeth! Thank you so much for sharing your pain with me. It doesn't matter how early you lose a baby, the pain is still real, and the loss is still great. My heart goes out to you, as do my prayers. I know that as you learn to trust in the Lord, leaning not on your own understanding, acknowledging His paths - He will make your paths straight, comforting you and sustaining you (Proverbs 3:3-4). With my love and care and compassion xoxoxo
Thank you so much for these encouraging words.
I have just suffered my second late-term miscarriage, and there are few words to express the grief and heartbreak that occurred with each one. I am just beginning my final year of med-school residency, where I am studying to become an obstetrician. I have been struggling with the irony of delivering babies day-in and day-out, when I have been unable to carry my own to term. With each pregnancy, we have carried to six months before losing them. As a doctor, I understand what little medical backing there is for miscarriage. As a woman of God, however, I have struggled with the "w's". Why me? Why again? What did I do wrong? When will it be my turn?
My husband and I have been working very hard to remain faithful to God through each loss. We understand and trust that God is sovereign and faithful - and will continue to be so. It's okay to be sad, but trusting Him in the midst of the sadness us what has gotten us through - and gives us hope for the future. Trusting that it's all for His glory. Even though it sucks in the "now", and the pain never really goes away, it's going to be okay because of who God is. Hope based on Christ, not in circumstance.
Thank you for sharing your wise words with us!
Precious, beloved, Heather! I read your story and cried. I know and trust and am 100% convinced that God is present with you and in the midst of your trial, holds you lovingly and understandingly. It is so hard when He allows hardship into our lives, with no explanation - where all we can do is choose to trust Him, and acknowledge Him in all our ways (Proverbs 3:3-5). How are you doing now? Even though you wrote this comment a couple of months ago, I have thought of and prayed for you often. Your faith is absolutely inspiring and I know that God has equipped you with the eternal perspective that you so desperately need to help you and to be a light even in the midst of such despair. I would love to hear how you are.... God bless you, beautiful sister!!! xoxox
Hi! Thank you for your kind words!
I am doing well, all things considered. My husband and I are leaving it in God'a hands now. It has - and continues to be - a long, hard process, but we are still focused on glorifying God through all of it. I have joined a group called Mommies with Hope, and it is such an inspiring group that teaches you how to not be angry with the Lord in the moments of loss.
My husband is working toward his phD in clinical psychology with a lean toward spiritually integrated therapy and is establishing the parameters of the study for his dissertation. I am so thankful and lucky to have a husband who shares and celebrated my love for God.
We continue to grieve, but are working hard to stay uplifted and inspired through His love.
If you would like to continue to converse, please feel free to email me! I would love to hear from you!
What a huge blessing to hear of this update, Heather! I literally have tears in my eyes! Thank you so much for sharing your inspiring focus on the Lord... Life really does need to go on, doesn't it? We can't stay in our sorrow, but we learn to going on walking in all that the Lord has for us, while He heals and deals with our pain... I am SO impressed with both of you, and you are super blessed by Almighty God to have each other!!! I would loooooove to keep in touch by email!!! You'll hear from me soon :-) With my love and appreciation for pointing me and all of the Women Abiding community to lift their eyes towards Heaven, and to seek His Kingdom and his righteousness above all else. Big hugs, my beautiful friend xoxoxo
Yesterday marks the 3rd miscarriage for my husband and I this year alone. I am 30 years old and have been married for 10 years. We fear the Lord Our God and serve Him and Him only. We would like a 4th child. However I feel as if it is not going to happen and have lost hope of any chances of having a successful pregnancy. I feel as if iys my fault. Like I am doing something wrong and have no idea what it is. I came across this article and want to thank you for the encouraging words, they are helping me even now. I can feel so much peace from the words you write. Be blessed.
Precious Angela... What pain you have gone through in the space of even one year! I'm so encouraged by your faith and your commitment to entrusting your life to the Lord, even when your desire to have another child seems as though it's not coming to pass. When we belong to God, He does not "punish" us, or pour out His "wrath" on us. He knows and loves you, and even though He is for some reason that we can't understand, allowing these painful trials into your life, it is NOT your "fault." His righteousness covers you, His favour envelops you, and His compassion is upon you... There is always hope in Him, although in our own temporal minds we may lose sight of it... I'd love to hear how you are doing now... Dwell in His Word, and may He comfort and sustain your joy and faith today and always... With my love, hugs and affection, Tehila xox
After almost 2 years trying to have our first child child with my husband, we got the good news that I'm pregnant this year. We were certain that God was bringing us laughter as its less than 6 months that my father in law passed away in a car accident that involved my husband. This month end we were planning on doing a thanks giving offering for the blessing that is growing in me. Last week Fri we went for our second check up & got the worst news - my baby had no heart beat. I was devastated, angry & confused how this could happen after so long praying for a baby. We couldn't even make it to church for our thanks giving offering as planned as our hearts were in pain thinking where is God. Today I'm going for the D&C procedure - hardly got any sleep & that's when I came across this website. I need guidance to bible verses to give me strength as I can't even pray - just don't know where to start. God bless you all ladies who have had to go through a miscarriage & may God bless you Tahila for giving us strength with your blog. You are helping thousands & thousands of women out there - may you not give up in what God is doing with your life & in praying for us.
Oh my darling Amy!!! I have cried tears of sorrow and mourning for you today... My heart truly breaks at the disappointment, discouragement and heartache that this loss has caused you and your husband... I know that God is the God of all comfort, and that His grace is sufficient for you. But I also know how you are hurting right now, and even though you have so many understandable questions, this same God is holding you and sustaining your hearts! You may be looking around you and wondering where He is, but Deuteronomy 33:27 promises you that "The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms." They are beneath you and over the coming days, they are the only and best arms to rest and lean on. And when you feel as though your Lord is not near, think on Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." He is right there with you, precious Amy. In the thick of your grief and your pain and your searing loss. I know that God feels far away to you now, but just remember what He said, "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." (James 4:8). When you're ready, He will still be there for you (as ever present as He is now), waiting patiently, longingly, and lovingly for you... My heart is with you 100% Amy. I have prayed for you since the moment I read your comment, and will continue to do so. With my love, sympathy, and friendship - - Tehila xoxoxoxoxo
Hi Tahila, thank you for your encouraging words it really confirm my thoughts when I went through a miscarriage just few hours ago, 31st March 2016. I was thankful to God for my 3kids. I knew in my heart that his thoughts towards me are good and I recognized his sovereignty. However, the thoughts of how excited I was when I found out, started knitting, preparing a place to keep the baby when am back in the office, the names I already got in my Spirit to name my baby ;Nigerian name OluwaTimileyin which means God is behind me, which will be shortened Tee-me, Praise (if it's a boy) and Heavenly( if it's a girl). But it did not happened as I thought and dreamt of.... Well I believe all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to his purpose. It's good to have a relationship with Christ in moments like this because He alone can give us true comfort and strength. Thank you God bless you.
hi Marie, i too know this feeling and i had a mine in May 2016 at 8weeks and its my first baby. I am Nigerian too and those names are beautiful so you should not lose hope.
Oh sweet Marie! I am so so sorry for your loss... You are taking it so well, and your faith is AMAZING, but I know how hard it is, and it may take a while before you part with your little one in your heart (for now, until you see him/her again one day)... Thank you for sharing your sadness and hope with me. I will be praying for you, dearest sister! God bless you and keep you and comfort you moment by moment... With love and care, Tehila xoxo
I am so thankful to have come across this post. My husband and I thought we were finished with our family. I had an iud for 4 years....and somehow still became pregnant. The doctor was shocked, as were we, but we had embraced the idea of adding on a third child to our family. Then, just a few days after my last ultrasound (and on Christmas day, nonetheless), my miscarriage started. Such a traumatic experience...to awake on Christmas morning, the day we are celebrating the birth of our Savior, to such a tragedy. Trying to make it through, what is normally such a joyous morning, for our two children that we already have. I am so broken....my heart feels at it has been torn out of my body.
And now we are faced with more choices. We were finished before this. Then, we thought God had decided that he wanted to miraculously bless us with one more....now I'm not so sure. Where do we go from here? Do we try for another child? Everything is so confusing right now...so raw, so hard. But -- God is still here. I am trying to lean on him, but it is so hard to praise Him in this storm.
This post has helped tremendously, and I so appreciate your kind words in your time of grief. Thank you so much!
Darling Beth, how my heart broke as I read through your note. I so much regret that nothing I say or pray could bring your beautiful little one back. I am in awe of your faith, your strength, and your perspective during this most difficult trial. You are asking good questions, and I have no doubt that as you seek the Lord, He will guide you perfectly in these matters.
I realised years ago that we never regret having another child, but we can always regret *not* having another child. My personal heart is that children are *SUCH* an incredible, rich, God granted blessing, and that whatever the considerations in whether to have another one or not, should God give this gift, our lives are the fuller, richer, and more beautiful as a result when we do... If you were to have another, I can guarantee 100% that you will never look back. In fact, you will not be able to imagine your life without your little one - as you well know from having been blessed with two other precious children.
My beautiful friend, right now is probably not the right time to be making major decisions, and as you yourself experienced, ultimately everything is in God's hands anyway... I'd recommend that you take the time to grieve the loss of this beloved soul whom the Lord spared from this harsh life on Earth... be in the present moment, and don't miss what He is doing in your heart and life... There will come a time when decisions may need to be made, but today is not that time...
I'm here for you, Beth.. please reach out.. let me know how you are doing... I am praying for you big time! With my love, care and heart, Tehila xoxoxo
praise the lord, i am jessica long by name and am from uk, i have been married for the past 20years without no fruit of the womb, i was so disturbed as i entered into my menopus at the age of 51, i felt that i have been forgotten not untill one day as i was searching the internet if i still gat the chance to conceive then i was directed to a page where a woman also gave a testimony about some harbal healer who helped her with some medicine in her menopus stage and now she can carry her own child, i decided to contact this man with faith and then he gave me an response to cut the long story short bredren i was finally brought this medicine, he asked me to take the medicine before going to bed with my husband, bredren when i actually followed his instruction hold and behold two months later i was confirmed pregnant by my doctor and now am a mother, some people make take my story as fake but please for those of you that believe this please here is the personal email of the traditional healer-infertilitycurecenter@gmail.com i promise he will give you the solution you seek once again his email is infertilitycurecenter@gmail.com
Thank you for sharing your incredible story, and yes, God uses different things and people in our lives to bring about His will. I'm so blessed to hear that He has granted you to be a mother, given you the desire of your heart and fulfilled it! May he continue to work in your family's life and may you know Him in a very precious, real, and personal way. With love to you, Tehila xoxo
So, so sorry for your loss. I too was a miscarriage survivor - 6 of them. Watching as one child walks through infertility and another with one child and now 3 miscarriages. Some years back God showed me that had I not walked through that I would never have had the two beautiful children I have today - grown and married and wonderful kids. I would walk through it again to experience the joy I have today.
I normally don't post one of my links but I wrote about my babies here. https://mixwilliams.wordpress.com/2012/12/20/my-most-memorable-gift-from-god-trust-fund-baby/
I love your beautiful perspective, Debbie. Thank you so much for sharing how thankful you are now for your children and how you learned so much for your hardships. I know that your comment will be a great encouragement to those going through this trial right now.
God bless you, dear sister! xoxo