On November 13, 2016 we discovered that a baby I had been carrying for 14 weeks, had already passed away 5 weeks prior. In my heartbroken state, I wrote this letter, since there was so much I wanted to say to the little one I have lost.

I share it openly with you, in the hopes that you, too, would consider doing something similar if you’ve experienced the grief of losing an unborn child. It served as a real stepping stone in my heart healing process, and I believe will in yours, too. God bless you!

The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

To My Sweet Unborn Baby,

Today I found out that I was never to meet you on this Earth. You were taken straight into the presence of your Father God, and until I reach you in that beautiful place where you now dwell, and will for all eternity, I will not have the privilege of being formally introduced to you.

I’m going to miss that.

I’m going to miss hearing your cry as you would have taken your first breath of this air I live in.

I’m going to miss stroking your soft cheeks and looking intently into your face, and marvelling at the beautiful way in which God Almighty created you.

I’m going to miss celebrating your birthdays, rejoicing in your milestones, training you in righteousness, holding your little hand, making you laugh, enjoying your loving gaze into my eyes, and holding you physically close to me when you would need comfort and extra special care.

I want you to know that I would gladly and joyfully have endured anything with you. I would have delighted in working with you through your struggles, and would have diligently and proudly stood by your side through thick and thin.

You have bypassed this world, my sweet and beautiful baby. By God’s grace and wisdom and mercy, your heart beat its last, and you found yourself instantly in the indescribable, wondrous, and awesome Presence of the God whom I can only see in faith and read words about.

Yet you know Him.

You walk with Him.

You talk with Him.

You live in His Light.

You will never know sorrow, grief, cruelty, and suffering. You were loved enough by Your Heavenly Father that He spared you from this dark, cold and sin-infested world. You have been promoted to the best place without laying your senses on evil, hatred, and painful experiences God never intended anyone to live through.

My precious baby, rest assured that I will meet you one day. I don’t know when my time will come to go to where you are, but know that when I get there, I will cherish finally being able to hold you, and kiss you, and treasure you with everything that is within me.

We will make up for this lost time my darling… you have mommy’s word.

I love you so much, sweetheart. You are a gift to me, your dad and your five siblings. We will remember you and miss you so, so, so much.

We’ve decided to name you Shalom – which in Hebrew means Hello, Goodbye, and Peace; 

We said Hello to you briefly with so much joy, gratitude, excitement, and expectation when we found out you were given life… there was so much hope, promise, and blessing in the thought of you joining our family.

Yet, it was ordained that now we say, ‘Goodbye’. Not forever, but for a brief, several years which will seem as but a moment to you in Heaven… but for us, it will feel like a long, long time to have to live without you physically in our lives. You will remain in our hearts and be an inseparable part of the fabric of our family.

And Shalom is Peace – because you now dwell in the very presence of the Prince of all Peace, in neighbourhoods where Peace dwells and fills each crevice of every space and particle. And in an eternal state of Peace with the God who created you, and loves you with everlasting affection.

Peace is all you will ever know my dear, dear sweet one…

Yes, it’s hard for mommy to endure the hardship of saying goodbye to you, but I know and trust that God’s steadfast love to us will comfort us. As you now know better than we ever will on this Earth – His ways are just, and right, and good, and though they sometimes surpass our understanding, we know that He never ever makes mistakes. He is Holy, and we trust in His Sovereign power over all He brings along our path.

Precious, beloved Shalom… rest in His Peace… until we meet…. I will always love you, and you will have a special place in this heart of mine till the day I join you, and eternally beyond.

Farewell my Gift… farewell for now….

Your Mommy

xoxoxoxoxoxo

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