5 Ways to Turn Your Difficult Child Around

My husband and I have been blessed with five beautiful children đź™‚ Each has their own unique personality, quirks, sense of humour, and temperament. But I have found one of our children more challenging than the others. While she can be absolutely adorable, warmly expressive in her affection, and eager to please, the other side of her is super strong willed, opinionated, defiant, and well… difficult. And these are the two extremes of our precious seven year old! There is almost nothing in between! She’s either being angelic or hellish đź™‚

In the event that you have a child with a similar nature, you are probably nodding profusely in identification right now. I have devoted many periods of worry over, and many more hours of prayer into how to invest into this one child

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In the hopes that it may help you, I’d like to share some changes I’ve made over the past few weeks that, by God’s grace, have had results I could only have dreamed of. Our daughter has been indescribably more balanced, far less unsettled, and happier than we’ve ever known her, since I’ve implemented these 5 ways to turn your difficult child around.

Quality Time

The first course of action I set about doing was making it a goal to spend some quality time with our daughter each evening. For this to happen, I did the pre-bed bathroom ritual (brushing teeth, washing hands, etc.) with my younger children, but sent our seven year old to the living area to do a chore such as empty the dishwasher, straighten the lounge, or clear the dining room table. 

While this is helpful, We start by talking together a little, and then I read her a chapter of Enid Blyton’s Famous Five series (“The most exciting book I’ve ever read, Mommy!”). After this, we pray together, and off she goes to sleep in her bed. 

I would say we spend an average of 20 minutes on our own during this quality time – a small sacrifice to pay for a little girl who’s heart bursts with gratitude and joy at the effort I’m making.

After a couple of weeks of implementing this change, I received the following letter from her:

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Consider carving out some regular (preferably daily) quality time, alone-time, with your difficult child and watch the difference it makes.

Enjoyable Activities 

I have been far more intentional this year to think through the activities my daughter enjoys, and have given her the opportunity to engage in those. 

As it so happens, she loves animals (not inherited from my side of the family đź™‚ ), horses in particular. I made some calls and found the most inexpensive horse-riding lessons in our area, and signed her up! In her own estimation, these lessons have been the closest my daughter has come to tasting Heaven! She looks forward to them all week, and delights in this privilege. 

Our daughter has also been asking to learn violin, which she will begin doing within a couple of weeks. 

While these activities are a financial sacrifice, giving her the opportunity to busy herself with activities she enjoys and is drawn to, has already paid off in a smilier little girl. 

At home, too, I have been more intentional to surround her with the kinds of books she enjoys reading, art and crafts she likes, and even foods she fancies. 

Don’t get me wrong, life does not revolve around pleasing or appeasing my daughter. However, if I can make some relatively small changes in her daily life that will generally add to her having a good attitude and joyful demeanor, I am certainly willing to invest in those.

Think about  one or two activities that bring your child much delight and plan to include those in his/her life regularly from now on.

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Outside Time

While we keep our children’s screen time to a limit, I have been much more aware of encouraging our daughter to spend time outside! It warms my heart to no end to see her playing with her siblings on our lawn as they make up games, collect leaves, chase butterflies, or just lie down on their backs facing the sky and talking. It’s good for their bodies, their minds, their relationship with one another, and it’s good for their souls. So it literally makes my day! 

I’ve noticed that the more my daughter spends time in God’s creation, the more peaceful she feels, the more joyful she is, not to mention the more tired she gets which makes for an early night and a good sleep! Everyone wins đź™‚ It’s no wonder that there are entire books written on this subject!

Send your child for “outside time” everyday, and if he/she is already spending some time outside each day, create incentives and activities they can do so that they will spend even more time outdoors in the midst of nature. 

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Sleep and Eat

This one may seem obvious, but I needed to tweak my daughter’s regularity in her eating habits and her sleeping patterns. The first thing I did may seem extreme, but I have definitely noticed an effect in her as a result. 

We took our sweet daughter off gluten. And she chimed in amazingly! She immediately started declining foods offered to her out of home (even chocolate cake!) explaining that she’s “gluten-free.” Somehow it just sat right with her from the get-go to make this change. We told her she will pretty much be able to eat everything she’s eating, as there are gluten free options for every food. She can eat bread, it’ll just be gluten free bread. She can eat pasta, it’ll just be gluten-free pasta, etc. And it clicked!

This came after a friend mentioned that eating gluten has been proven to affect behavior in certain children. I knew we needed all the help we can get, so this seemed like a natural decision. 

I also came across an article that rocked my world titled, It’s Science, Sending Your Kids To Bed Earlier Lowers Your Stress. Say no more! I’ve been so much more diligent in this area and can already testify at how much better our children are doing, and Iam doing!  


Consider the dietary changes you can make in your child, whether it be taking her off gluten, reducing his sugar intake, or simply including more nutrition into your child’s diet.  In addition, purpose to begin your child’s bedtime ritual earlier, so that she’s snoring by 8:30pm latest.

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Spiritual Input

Our children’s childhoods, though they may seem to go on forever, are actually a short time in the span of their lifetimes. The spiritual input that we invest into them when they’re 4, 7, 10, 12, pays off in great dividends when they’re teenagers. I’ve seen this firsthand. 

However, my difficult child in question is our fourth child, and I find myself slacking when it comes to reading as much Scripture, devotions, and good material with her as I did to the first three children. And while I am often talking to her about the Lord, I feel that actually reading the Bible to her and discussing it would be beneficial. 

I have started this process daily, and it has made our daughter a lot more aware of her sins and actions. She also makes a better connection now between the consequences that she reaps being directly relating to the choices that she sows. 

This investment takes a lot of intentionality, time, effort, and thought. I love this verse which encourages me greatly in this area:

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

Rest assured that spiritual input is doing goodfor your child, and the more you do it, the better!

Set aside time each day to do some Bible Reading with your child. You could use an age-appropriate devotional to springboard you into some discussion, or even work on memorizing a verse of Scripture at a time together. In addition, point out the wonders of God’s creation, provision, and personal involvement in your child’s life often.

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Be Sweet 

For those of us with challenging children, it is not difficult to become more and more stern, exasperated, and even cold with our child. As we navigate each day, it can feel as though we’re walking on eggshells, just trying to avoid the next argument meltdown. And in so doing, we may forget to be sweet to our child – the very thing that will keep those lines of communication going, the relationship flowing, and the love glowing! 

In my journey to turn our precious, problematic seven year old around, I began being aware of smiling at her more, giving her cuddles throughout the day, looking at her with a loving gaze (because I’m actually crazy about her!), and speaking to her more kindly. 

In turn, she began to feel more loved, more relaxed, and more affirmed in our unconditional acceptance of her. It was working wonders! 

Make a list of ten (or five if you can only make it that far) 🙂 qualities that you admire and love about your child. Then, keeping those qualities in mind, make a conscious decision to express love, kindness, and affection to your child at least 3 times a day during the upcoming week. Put on an alarm to remind you until you get into the habit. đź™‚

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God gave you each one of your children for your good and His glory. And yes, even this difficult child was handpicked to be yours! 

Be encouraged! 

The Lord has, and will continue to equip you to guide her heart, channel his anger, direct her emotions, and raise him/her to be be “a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.” (Isaiah 62:3)

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!

Psalm 127:3-5a

How do you hold on to the hope that your child will grow up to be a great adult, despite what you’re dealing with presently? Which of the above suggestions would you find helpful to begin implementing?

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