Get Rid of Marital Struggles Once and For All

If you have been married for any length of time, you may have noticed that during certain periods you struggle to respect your husband, and in some ways feel unloved or unappreciated by your man.

I must confess that my hubby and I have been in this cycle far too many times than I would like to admit in our 14 years of marriage. But by the grace of God, we are getting better at identifying the simple problem when it comes up, and preventing the all-too-predictable circuit of disrespect and being unloving before we hit rock bottom.

Let’s do a quick refresher of the beautiful go-to verses from Ephesians on the subject of marital struggles and how to eliminate the bulk of them once and for all:

God’s Word to Husbands

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…

Ephesians 5:25-27

God’s Word to Wives

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Ephesians 5:22-24

God wisely gave you, as the wife, the instruction to submit to and respect your husband, because He created your man to need and crave respect.

Your dear husband, on the other hand, was commanded by God to love you with an undying love, based on the way that Your Creator designed you to intensely desire affection and tender, loving care.

Wasn’t that just so wise of God? He took all the guess work out of marriage, and laid out what each party needs. Black on white…

However, this still takes effort on your part.

Marital Struggles 101

In a way, your marriage is like your walk with the Lord. If you are not moving forward in your journey with God, you’re subtly sliding backwards.

Likewise, if you and I don’t work at this precious relationship of marriage, it quickly starts sinking. It seems as though anything worth fighting for, or more accurately, dying for, takes work in the Kingdom of God! But the rewards always far outweigh the labour we exert.

So, practically, what does this look like:

respect love cycle

So, because I’m not respecting my husband, he doesn’t feel or act very loving towards me. And because he is not being loving towards me, I don’t feel or act very respectful towards him! And so the vicious cycle is born.

In the (likely) event that you have been/are/will be in this rut, here are a few tips to remember that are helpful to get off the bandwagon, and restore the bliss that you once had and long for:

Start Praying

Pray. Either by yourself, or preferably together. But pray. God is truly the only One who can help you to break the cycle.

Humble Yourself

Either your husband or you has to be willing to humble yourself and be the first to take the initial step to exit the cycle. Since you can’t change or control your husband, you may as well be the first one to act. It ain’t gonna be easy, but determine to be the first to be respectful to him for an entire day (or an entire hour, if bite-sized respect nuggets are more practical).

Respect Him Purposefully

The first step to being respectful, is to stop being DISrespectful! Even if you don’t replace your disrespect with honour and esteem, simply refraining from making that snide remark, rolling your eyes, or disregarding what your husband says, goes a long way. This definitely sets you in the right direction.

Go Unconditional

Do not make your respect conditional. Dear friend, you are commanded by God to respect your husband (Ephesians 5:22). Respecting your man is not dependent on how loving he was to you this morning, whether he carried out the chores you asked him to or not, or whether you agree with a decision he has made or oppose it. Even if your husband is not worthy of your respect, you are to respect him out of obedience to God. God said it. You need to do it as an act of reverence and worship to the King of Kings. Period.

I didn’t say this would be easy. But if you follow these steps, your heart will closely follow, and according to my experience, in all likelihood, so will your husband.

May you be blessed of the Lord, beloved sister, as you endeavor to put His beautiful, timeless Word into practice. It will be worth the effort, and will reap priceless rewards in your marriage and life!

Please take a moment to share this post with someone whom you believe will benefit from it.

NOTE: Since writing this post, several lovely ladies have pointed out that the above principles are similar to those in a book titled, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs, by Emerson Eggerichs. I have not read this book, however, it comes highly recommended by many.

Can you relate to this cycle? Do you have any tips or wise advice that would help in preventing the vicious cycle from happening, or putting an end to it when it does?


If you and I don’t work at this precious relationship of marriage, it quickly starts to sink.  (click to tweet)

The first step to being respectful, is to stop being DISrespectful! (click to tweet)

Even if your husband is not worthy of your respect, you are to respect him out of obedience to God. (click to tweet)

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Tehila is an Israeli, God-loving, husband-serving, child-nurturing mom of five sweet little ones whom she homeschools. She resides in beautiful New Zealand from where she blogs at Women Abiding – Encouraging women to abide in God and His Word.

About womenabiding

Tehila is an Israeli, God-loving, husband-serving, child-nurturing mom of five sweet little ones whom she homeschools. She resides in beautiful New Zealand from where she blogs at Women Abiding – Encouraging women to abide in God and His Word.
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94 Responses to Get Rid of Marital Struggles Once and For All

  1. This is the best post I ever read on marriage!! I love how you so clearly outlined it. I loved how suyou were real and admitted to succumbing to this cycle. These tips are so true and what a difference it makes when I have been the first one to take the step and change my behaviour. I have found that doing special things for my husband gradually changes his response to me. We have definitley been in this vicious cycle!!

    • womenabiding says:

      Judith! What a honour! You have blessed me so much with your comment this morning. I totally agree with that extra tidbit you mentioned. Going the extra mile to be kind and doing special things for hubby during those rough patches, works wonders. It changes my own heart, and affects his too! Thank you for that!! Blessings to you dear one xx

  2. Beautiful post Tehila! This November will be 15 years of marriage and these are wise word indeed. Tweeting! 🙂 Have a beautiful week, Claire

    • womenabiding says:

      Thank you so much, Claire! These are timeless truths, indeed, that God has laid out in His Word. I for one, will be rereading my own post many a time, I’m sure 🙂 Blessings to you Claire. Loved seeing you here!!! <3

  3. Amy says:

    Such a helpful post! I hadn’t really thought about it, but I do see your point that we need to be intentional about that respect. If I don’t consciously think about how much he needs that respect and how I am to respect my husband, it’s easy to let things slide.

  4. Esther says:

    Tehila, You know I can’t resist the invitation to share a tip or two. 🙂
    When I was in the lowest feeling of my marriage, many years ago, with no love and no respect left to give, and only dread of a long lonely future until death finally released me from my wedding vows, there were two things which made a PROFOUND difference. One was theological and one was practical:
    1) Like the Psalmist (eg psalm 61, and 28), in the depths of my despair I cried out to God and he answered me with this truth –
    I need not look to any other person to meet my needs. HE HIMSELF has promised to do that 2Peter 3-8, Philippians 4:19.
    So when I moaned in my lonely unloved state, so empty of love I just wanted to die, he filled me so that I might respect my husband as God commanded me to. He can, and WILL, do this for each of you too because it is one of his great and precious promises. Just ask him, in an attitude of surrender to his command to respect, and see what happens! You will be astounded and filled with joy.
    2) I wondered HOW to respect someone who seemed, in my critical eyes, so unworthy of it (little knowing how much that state was a result of my own well meaning criticisms). God allowed me to hear an African American woman on Focus on the Family talking on this very subject. She said she learned respect from her pre-school daughter and just copied her:
    She ran to her Daddy the minute she saw him some up the front step and leaped into his arms… so so did She!
    When her Daddy was mowing the lawns she ran up and down after the lawn mower with her little wagon, waiting to take the clippings to the compost pile and chattering incessantly about what a good job he was doing. So next time he got out the lawn mover, He found himself with a fan club of two willing helpers! You get the idea?
    She drew her Daddy pictures of the two of them together;
    She left him bits of her half eaten treats;
    She rang him up at work to tell him some insignificant bit of childish news;
    She snuggled on his knee when he was relaxing on the couch;
    And suddenly, she had a rival: Her own mother!
    But it worked for this dear sister in the Lord (I wish I remembered her name but it was almost 20 years ago), and it worked for me too. I felt a bit silly and hypocritical at first and sure he would guess that I was just putting it on, but he didn’t and surprisingly he became so much easier to respect the happier I made him. After about a year of ‘faking it’, I found myself respecting him quite naturally and with new habits of honouring that no longer felt fake.
    If you have got as low as I did it could take a very long time, but persevere. It takes much longer and more work to build up than to tear down (Proverbs 14:1), but it is worth it in the end.

  5. Tehila… thank you for your encouraging, inspiring post!! I needed to read that and be reminded 🙂 God bless you my friend.

  6. Thanks so much for sharing this post on my blog. What a great reminder for all married couples!

  7. Amanda says:

    Wow. This is one of the best posts I have read about marriage. Thank you for sharing this. You have truly explained what was going on in my marriage. I have been praying about this matter for some time because lately my husband and I have been stuck in this vicious cycle. So thank you, thank you, thank you. I will start working on this asap.

    • womenabiding says:

      Amanda! You have blessed me soooo much with this comment! I will be praying for you. I know the Lord is for your marriage, and making it holy… as you put these Biblical principles into action, I truly believe that you will be amazed at the results. God is good! With love and prayer xxx

  8. Awesome post today and I’m thinking God brought me here because I have a lesson to be learned! My husband and I fight this vicious cycle ourselves, though typically it is me who is the repeat offender. I blame hormones, but honestly I believe it’s Satan attempting to break up a good thing (and trust me he has tried too many times to count). Here’s to breaking the cycle, together!

    • womenabiding says:

      Great point, Shannon. There is no excuse for sin in God’s Kingdom. I came out of many years of finding every excuse in the book, but bottom line is, that we are each responsible for our own actions and reactions. May God help us to resist the temptations we face, and choose to always be righteous, by His grace!

  9. Jaimie says:

    This is fantastic! You’ve outlined some principles that I’m constantly working on remembering. Respect and humility. I just had a rather painful reminder yesterday of what happens when I DON’T do those things, but I am so thankful for God’s forgiveness and my husbands! Thank you so much for writing these true, honest, encouraging and convicting words!!

    • womenabiding says:

      God bless you for your honesty, Jaimie, and for loving God’s Word enough to apply it to your life. We are all in process, and it’s only by God’s wonderful grace that we progress at all… Blessings on you and your marriage! <3

  10. Jade says:

    Great post! I’ve been wanting to write a similar one, but could never put it down as concisely and simply as you have…so awesome!

    • womenabiding says:

      What a compliment! Thank you so much. May the principles of God’s Word go out loud and clear to all, and change lives. Amen! And by the way, I’m sure you could have written a GREAT post on the subject 🙂 xxx

  11. This was a good word! Thank you for sharing. 🙂

  12. Helene says:

    The whole post was wonderful but I especially want to say thanks for taking the time to get the graphic just right. It made the whole idea perfectly clear!

  13. lisa says:

    Good advice! You are so correct about how a destructive cycle can be difficult to break. It is a lot of work but well worth it. Hope you can stop by the enchanted oven.

  14. Kelly B says:

    My favorite part: “God wisely gave you, as the wife, the instruction to submit to and respect your husband, because He created your man to need and crave respect.

    Your dear husband, on the other hand, was commanded by God to love you with an undying love, based on the way that Your Creator designed you to intensely desire affection and tender, loving care.”

    Very nice post. I am fortunate in that God has so graciously blessed me with a wonderful husband and the painful past which has enabled my vision to see how truly blessed I am. This is a wonderful reminder to keep that perspective always. Thanks for sharing. I haven’t had to go through struggles yet, and I pray this advice will stick in my mind. 🙂

    I’m visiting today from Our Everyday Harvest’s blog hop. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  15. Sylvia says:

    Your message is hitting very close to home today!
    Thanks for Linking up at Friendship Friday

  16. Rosey says:

    You’ve laid out passages that I often turn to (mentally or physically) if I need a little boost, reminder, or recharge. 🙂 This was an excellent post.

    Visiting today from Fun Friday.

  17. Found the comment link. Yay! Just left you a comment on your FB page….

    LOVE this post. This is so true. For more in depth study on these verses, and others, as they pertain to marriage, love and respect, as well as the “crazy cycle”, check out this book:

    Would love to have you swing my blog sometime and leave your thoughts. I can also be contacted via

    Have a super blessed weekend!

  18. Dani Joy says:

    The first step to being respectful, is to stop being DISrespectful! Even if you don’t replace your disrespect with honour and esteem, simply refraining from making that snide remark, rolling your eyes, or disregarding what your husband says, goes a long way. This definitely sets you in the right direction.

    Yes, I would have to say this is, for me, the first step. I know things go so smoothly when I show respect. When I show disrespect everything falls apart. So, now to catch myself before hand. Praying. Praying.

    Thank you for this post. I have been married for 16 years and have been working on this for along time now. It seems that every year my sight gets clearer on how I can respect my Hubby more.

    Dani Joy

  19. You are SO right! So much truth in here and I love the visual. It’s right on the money. So glad you linked up to Saturday Night Stars. I appreciated reading this post!

  20. Marty says:

    One of the biggest things I can think of that will break the cycle is to make ourselves lovable. And I’m not talking about doing our hair and makeup and putting on a nice outfit. I’m talking about softening our words, being gentle and feminine in our actions. If we set ourselves up as their adversaries then they will be combative, either in fighting back or retreating.
    This isn’t something we can try once or twice and then throw our hands up in the air and declare it not working. Rather it is cultivating that gentle and quiet spirit that our Lord says is so beautiful.

  21. Barbie says:

    It is so easy to fall into that cycle in marriage. Marriage is work, but so worth it. Thank you for sharing this with us today!

  22. Those were really uplifting on my end as I was reading it all through out until the end of your post, to the very last word. I still have so much to learn, yes your right with Him our marriage will be forever…
    Bloghopping from : – Mommy by Day Fashionista By Night – Everything Mommy and Girly – Blogging and Monetizing Tips

  23. momstheword says:

    Wow. This was awesome and so encouraging! My husband is a pastor and would you mind if I showed him your chart? He does pre-marital counseling and he might want to share that with the people he councils. It just makes it all so simple to understand and is yet so profound. Since your link is on it it would link right back to you if that’s o.k.

    Love how you said in order to be respectful you have to STOP being disrespectful. So true.

    I think you should also do a blog post on how you made that chart graphic because I’d love to know, lol! 🙂

    Also, just wanted you to know that the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party is up and ready for you to link up your posts this week. Thank you for participating last week. I’d love to have you join us again! Can’t wait to see what you have to share this week!

    • womenabiding says:

      Hi there! Sure thing… Show it and spread it around. If it can be a helpful resource to anyone and the Lord can use it, that would make my day!!! God bless you!

  24. Michelle says:

    Wow. I think I’ve been hit by a plank that was pulled out of my eye. I needed it. God knew what I needed to hear. You have spoken amazing truth in clarity and grace.

  25. Jann Olson says:

    This post is full of great advice. I think it’s important to show each other respect. Also, husband and wife need to talk when they are feeling unloved or unappreciated. Often the husband doesn’t realize that the woman feels that way. Feeling sorry for herself and sulking will get her no where. Thanks for sharing with Share Your Cup.

  26. Hazel Moon says:

    Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom at “Tell Me a True Story.” I have had to use “forgiveness” in our relationship. When I felt he was wrong in certain decisions, I chose to forgive him, and love him anyway. Perhaps that is a term of respect because I richly do respect him.

  27. My husband and I have been through the Love and Respect DVD series twice now. Early on in our marriage, it was the most significant resource on marriage for us and really changed how we related to each other. My one caution with it is that it is really, really easy to start thinking about how your spouse should be meeting your “need” for respect/love rather than simply following Scripture’s command to either respect your husband or love your wife. I’m not sure that either respect or love is truly a “need”, but it is definitely a command and we should be careful to be obedient to that.

    • womenabiding says:

      Hi Elizabeth… thanks so much for your wise words. I have not personally read “Love and Respect” but several people have commented on it here, so it is definitely something I want to look into. You are right that there is a danger about each of us thinking that our spouse should meet “our” need, but if each of us is focused on our own role, and focusing on the command that God gave to US in His Word, that should keep us occupied enough, and give us ample challenge without focusing on our hubby/wife.

      Really appreciate your comment. God bless you, my sister!

  28. Sarah says:

    Super visual of how destructive disrespect is to our husbands and our marriage! I usually think I’m pretty submissive, but then God brings to light the little ways where I’m not. Gotta love the conviction of the Holy Spirit!!! I love how God gently shows us our shortcomings to help us.

    Thanks for a timely reminder. I needed this today!

    Take JOY!

  29. Debbie W. says:

    Great advise for ministering to wives. So thankful for people who are touching our world and sharing Jesus. Debbie W.

  30. Beth says:

    Yes, definitely respecting my husband “as unto the Lord” has helped me to feel motivated to do what not only is right and God-honoring, but essential to my marriage’s health. I appreciate the challenge here! It’s something I need to keep before me!

  31. Thank you for encouraging women in the godly pattern of marriage. We need more and more of these marriages where a woman understands her God given role. Thanks for linking up at Marriage Moment at Great Peace Academy.

  32. KC says:

    These are truly great advices. All of married couple undergo to this cycle but so true, only through Him can you overcome these struggles..

  33. Tara says:

    Wonderful, thank you so much for linking to my blog, I really needed this tonight. I am reminded of the book love and respect by Emmerson Eggeriches, fantastic book about breaking that cycle. Always a pleasure to read your wise words. Thank you for encouraging us always. Have a blessed day. Tara.

  34. This was so encouraging to me this morning. All things I’m working on and have been thinking about, but you know how God uses things to reaffirm what He’s already shown you? Thank you! 🙂

  35. Jen says:

    Love how we both wrote on marriage this week! This idea is the essence of my husband & my prayer group this month. We also did the Love & Respect series & oh how it revolutionized couples in our group! It seems so simple, but it is such a vital concept! Always a great resource to share with others!

    Thanks for sharing it on UNITE Tuesdays,

  36. Linda Stoll says:

    Hey Friend ~ Looks like we’re on the same page over at Beth’s Messy Marriage link-up!


  37. I am so glad that I blessed you and encouraged you, Tahila. Thanks so much for sharing this post this week over at WholeHearted Home. You are such a blessing to me!!

  38. Whitney says:

    I realize when my husband and I struggle, I look at myself. I have to be accountable for my actions and feelings toward him. I know that if I continue to show him love and remember that we are two different individuals, the respect comes back. Referring to the scripture is always a comfort. Visiting from Prowess and Pearls.

  39. Bekah says:

    All so very true….I really enjoy For Men Only/For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhan for getting this idea out in a safe and understandable way for believers and nonbelievers alike. 🙂

  40. Jennifer says:

    There are so many truths in this post. Thanks for sharing and linking. The Lego image is a cute one.

  41. Important post for us married folk. The marriage relationship does take being intentional in what we say and do in a way that would bless our union. You remind us of this and more in your post. I’m glad you shared this at WJIM as it is great encouragement. Blessings.

  42. Sara Shay says:

    Thanks for linking up to Weekend Whatever last week! This is a great post and much needed right now for me. It is the featured post this week 🙂 – live at 2p today

  43. Wow, you haven’t read “Love and Respect”? Then you’re quite apt to nail the concepts. I guess wise people think alike!
    The unconditional part is so important. Our culture is taught that love is conditional and respect is earned. And that’s a brutal burden for a husband.

  44. Trinity says:

    Great advice!

  45. momstheword says:

    Wow you get a lot of comments! Everyone loves what you write! 🙂 Thanks for giving me permission to share it with my hubby. I appreciate it and will do so now that you’ve said it’s o.k.

    Also wanted to remind you that “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party is live and waiting for your posts! If you want to leave your email when you enter your entry I can send you a reminder email. Either way is fine!

  46. Renee says:

    Something else, we hold in our hand of control, is expectations- sometimes even respectfulness doesn’t crack an insensative man. I find expectations are at the root of so much disstisfaction on the part of women in particular. Expectations are quiet foes- to be aware of when they are driving your emotions and actions takes some practice. Just a thought I had while reading.

  47. Christy Joy says:

    This was outlined so well, thank you! Respect is the #1 key and lack of it can quickly tank a flourishing relationship. I love your detail and look forward to applying much of what I learned here today. Thanks for linking up with HWC!

    Christy Joy

  48. Sarah Brooks says:

    More good stuff! I happen to have a soft spot for encouraging healthy marriages! 🙂 Thanks for a great post!

    And thanks for linking up with What He’s Done Wednesday…

  49. Mai Bateson says:

    Amen! Well said. You only speak for the TRUTH! 🙂 Easy to fall in the cycle but it’s up to us to decide in which way to go… We have the power to change the course of action. Thanks for the awesome advice!

  50. What a great post! My husband and I first read about this in Dr. Eggerichs’ book and you clearly explain the entire concept. I’m impressed that you’ve never read the book and share such a similar view. God has blessed you both with wonderful biblical interpretation. 🙂 I’m visiting from and the Mom’s Monday Mingle. I’m one of the co-hosts. I was already following through Facebook but am now following through Twitter and Pinterest as well. Have a GREAT week! Thanks for the encouragement and great reminder!

  51. Love this post! And I kept looking at the graphic you created and thinking, “How’d she do that??” It articulates the point so well. Like you, I’ve not read Love & Respect but have heard wonderful things about the book.

  52. Victoria says:

    I only wish I’d known this sooner! I have actually recently “figured this out.” Honestly, only the Grace of God could have caused it to dawn on me. I was floundering around, after several separations, 2 children, and COUNTLESS fights with my husband… We were barely hanging in there on a good day. Proverbs 31 kept popping up in my mind, as well as the Ephesians verses mentioned above. At first, I kept dwelling on the part about him loving me… Yelling across the house that he is supposed to love me like the church. (looking back, it feels like something I’d see in a comedy) I have two sons, and God finally gave me a firm talking to, so to speak. I opened my bible for quiet time (which was a hit or miss for me, at that point) and the same verses slapped me in the face. I decided to have a cup of coffee, and talk to God for a bit (the kids actually slept in that morning, which seems to NEVER happen). It’s as if a light bulb finally came on: “Victoria, where does it say that you should only respect your husband if he loves you the way I do the church? I wrote it, so I know: it doesn’t say that!” (there was no voice, just a feeling.) You know the part in Genesis where Adam and Eve felt ashamed? I suddenly knew that feeling. I was ashamed of how childish I’d been for so many years. I wondered why my husband hadn’t totally written me off. I remembered my sons, and realized they would end up with someone just like me. Realized I wanted better for them. Every single day, I get out of bed and I go to sleep at night with the feeling that God is reminding me: Let him be the head of the family, and respect him the way I respect God. I am nowhere near the perfect wife, but I’m seeing a change in only a week. I’M feeling better. My husband is feeling better! My kids are feeling better… LOL, now I sound like an infomercial for some new health juice. Good part is, this one’s free. LOL
    God bless, ladies!

  53. Victoria says:

    The part about wondering why my husband hadn’t written me off: he hadn’t just thrown up his hands and said forget about it, because he was TRYING to love me the way Christ loves the church. THAT was my big “duuuh” moment… LOL

  54. Pam says:

    Love and Respect! Thanks for sharing God’s truth. Thanks for linking up at One Sharendipity Place this week!

  55. Nika says:

    This post is an insult to what makes a relationship a beautiful thing. Love, just like life, should be fervent and tumultuous. It is entirely possible to love someone and hate them at the same time.

  56. Jann Olson says:

    I certainly remember experiencing bits of this cycle from time to time in our earlier years. After 43 years of marriage, don’t see it now. Thanks for sharing with SYC.

  57. What wonderful points and I love the way you illustrated this cycle… it is a vicious cycle isn’t it?!

    Thank you for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).

    Wishing you a lovely day.

  58. Charlie says:

    Thanks for this challenging post! So true!

  59. Susan B Mead says:

    Excellent words about marriage – and we just celebrated our 36th anniversary on September 1. Yet I still go where I ought not roam more often than I want or care to admit. Thanks for the reminders of how to move in a more powerful way in your marriage.

    FYI- may I invite you to share on the DanceWithJesus Linkup today and each Friday? Bless someone there! Susan B is the link.

    Im your neighbor today. Hugs, Susan

  60. Bethany says:

    This is something the Lord taught me with great difficulty when we first got married- but I can attest it is true. Grateful for this reminder! Especially the prayer part -I can say and I know many women who can that their marriage struggles start and restart when they stop praying for their husbands.

  61. Linda says:

    Beautiful. Thank you so much. Could have used this 30 years ago. 🙂 Linda @Crafts a la mode

  62. Anastasia says:

    We wives need to be focused on changing our own behavior if we want to break that cycle. We can’t wait for our husband’s behavior to change first! Nothing will change in that scenario. Great article, love the visuals.

  63. Valerie says:

    Yep, that cycle goes around and around! It can only slow down when we love the way the other person needs. It takes one of us to step on the brakes and that often takes a lot of humility.

  64. Hannah says:

    I am an outsider looking at a marriage caught up in this vicious cycle. The woman is not open to input from me, but what can the man do to break the cycle on his part? He does try to be loving.

    • womenabiding says:

      Thank you so much for your comment, Hannah. The cycle is broken when one of the marriage partners takes the first (and hardest) step to break the cycle. It only takes one. In my own experience, when my husband and I have been in this cycle, it has been very rare that both of us were at the place of doing our part to break the cycle, simultaneously. It’s almost always been one of us who was ready and desperate enough at the time to take the plunge, and wait patiently while the other comes on board.

      In the case of this marriage you are observing, if the woman is not open to taking that first step in respecting her husband, the husband needs to begin little by little to show love to his wife. Unconditional love. The more loved the woman will feel, the more prone she will be to begin to respect her husband. It may take time. Even a long time, but the perseverance on the part of the husband will pay off.

      May God bless you for desiring to serve and help this couple.

    • Jennifer says:

      Has he read the book about the Five Love Languages? Maybe his efforts at being loving aren’t perceived as loving by his wife because they have different feelings about what is loving.

  65. Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing…many blessings to you and your sweet husband ❤️

  66. Very well written post. But harder to put into practice. Thanks for sharing.

    • womenabiding says:

      You’re right, Sarah! It takes practice and commitment, but if I’m not mistaken, it does get slightly easier to get out of the rut as the years go by and we find ourselves having slipped into it again… May God strengthen you as you invest in your marriage. xox

  67. Rhiannon S says:

    Such a great post and a wonderful reminder to be intentional. We cannot allow our marriages to happen by chance, it takes work and it is worth it. Thank you for these words of wisdom. #worsdwithwinter

  68. Vanessa says:

    Needed to read that today. We just went on a breakfast date where we laid out ways to love each other, but this is it’s basis. God knows 🙂

    • womenabiding says:

      Praise the Lord! It’s not a recent post, but just felt like I should put it up today – obviously was meant for you! 🙂 God is good! Love and blessings for an enriched marriage, with Him at the centre (easier said, than done – but you guys are on the right track!)… You’ve blessed me today! Thank you, Vanessa! xoxo

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